Okay, I’ve been in a funk all day. Filled with sorrow. I couldn’t figure out why and then finally I was able to put my finger on it. I am having a “Too Much Birthday” experience.
“Too Much Birthday” is a Berenstain Bears story that I used to read to my kids. It’s a complex narrative but I’ll summarize: One of the little Berenstain Bears is having a birthday. He has a party. All his friends come to the party. They give him presents. They pay lots of attention to him. He is given a cake and is sung to. Then, he has a complete meltdown and cries hysterically, puzzling his friends and family. This is because the Berenstain Bear is very, very young and has not yet learned to regulate his emotions. His heightened excitement reaches a fever-pitch and then he can’t cope.
Well, EXACTLY the same thing happened to me last night. I had a reading at the Tribeca Barnes & Noble. All my friends came. I went to a dinner party afterward. The people at the party paid tons of attention to me. Halfway through the party I realized that I was filled with despair. This was me:
Well, okay, I didn’t cry. And fortunately there wasn’t a “Search Inside” flag pointing at me (but there might as well be, with the amount of shrink hours I’ve logged over the years). But I whined at the dinner. I whined to my nice friends. Then I fretted when I got home – fretted and worried aloud to my nice husband and children. Because, I realize today, I am very, very emotionally immature and what is regular excitement for most adults, is just too much for me. So I had some quiet time today. Quiet time and soothing words from my friends, and now I feel better.
I started an Ann Index last week but keep forgetting to update it. Here’s today’s index.
THE ANN INDEX
Days since Outtakes From a Marriage arrived in bookstores: 7
Amazon Ranking: 1013
Number of Facebook Friends: 101
Number of real friends: more than I deserve (sob)
Days since we last saw our cat Sneakers: 10
Current shame level (1=total self-love, 10=total self-loathing): 8
Total number of amusing anecdotes accrued in my lifetime: 5
Number left untold after last week’s interviews: 0
Times this week that I have told my funny story about the time that Denis and I drove our own black Town Car to a red-carpet event: 39
Times anybody but me thought this was funny: 1
Your honesty is so refreshing. Your last week has been such a whirlwind. This blog reminds me of the day after giving birth. When all of ones nearest and dearest want to see the baby,visit,tell you what to do,what not to do, asking about the labor,birth, and meanwhile after being so exposed all a mom want to do is shut the door and be quiet with her husband and new baby. You are clearly loved and cherished. Remember in a few weeks,months or years, this week will bring back some of the best memories.
Btw, I just finished the book which I loved. I hope your planning a sequel! Don’t want to say too much and spoil it for anyone who hasn’t read it.
PS. My son is 8, daughter is 5. I still haven’t been to a kids’ birthday party where the star of the day doesn’t cry.
My dear sweet sister…please don’t fret! I too would be an emotional wreck after all that you have accomplished in the last week. Not only are you putting yourself out there for ALL to see (& read) but you have to keep that winning smile going throughout the process. Not to mention all the small talk…it is EXHAUSTING. But, all your efforts were well worth it. You really did an outstanding job! Not only is the novel a big success but you came off as a professional (a beautiful one at that) in all of your interviews.
I, for one, am extremely proud of you…my big sis. So there! Put that in your pipe and smoke it!
Love you! Meg
Thank you Meg and also Anne with an e, whoever you are (you’re like a sister to me now).
Hi Ann,
I agree that the week or past weeks you have had have been a whirlwind! Wow. Congratulations on all of it…! We are looking forward to seeing you …and I promise it will be mellow and without fanfare although I wish it wasn’t so…but from experience I will tell you that one of your former classmates (I will give you his name soon but he writes for the NY Times…) told me a kind of typical homecoming story for this town. He returns to town each summer to see his Dad from Washington, D.C. When he went to the House of Pizza (his favorite place) and saw a former high school classmate, the classmate merely looked up and said in a monotone voice….”Hi! No, never left town, married, two kids.” Our D.C. friend was left feeling like … OK, sorry I asked..or didn’t ask! But good to see you anyway.” So, I hope you get the reception here you truly deserve…and that this town honors you. But, it might be one of those House of Pizza experiences..sigh…but those grinders are still really good!
Best to you,
Laurie
I found your blog by some weird twist of internet fate yesterday. I spent the afternoon reading and laughing. I’m ordering your book today and very much looking forward to reading it.
Hey Ann, I am glad you feel better. You’re talented, interesting, beautiful, funny, fun, and Brave!!! You know what you want and you go after it, an amazing quality. I know the feeling of coming down off of a really BIG time, either a good time or a bad time. It takes a “minute” to slow down the adrenalin and it is totally “normal”. As such a creative person, you’re brain feeds on a lot of endorphins!! I am sure your mind keeps rewinding and it’s okay. Be kind to yourself and only allow positive thoughts to fill you up. The Berenstain Bears were Ellen’s all time favorite as a little girl, we read them and read them, and I think the only difference between little bears and big bears is that the little ones are “allowed” to just scream and let all their feelings and emotions out and we get carried away in a straight jacket if we try it!!!! Congratulations!!!! Love, Lisa M
Too sweet!
Now you can tell Denis – “I’m Famous!”, as he told you in the early days!
This is your moment to shine and you are doing it with class, vulnerability, humor and poise.
Be selfish with your quiet time, as that will help keep balance in your busy life! All these emotions are totally normal – you’d have to be in a coma not to feel them!
When you get a bit overwhelmed – go spend some time with Mark, (The Horse) Best therapy in the world!
Sending prayers that Sneakers finds his way back to the barn.
Have a great day!
Oh, don’t get your knickers in a twist, you are loved!
The book is fabulous, you are fabulous, and by the way, super funny. (ok, now I think I am contributing to another Annfest meltdown, but what the hey, isn’t that the price of fame?) Will send Ben & Jerrys! or at least a teddy bear on Facebook!
The joy that your sincerity and humor brings to those around you (and even the rest of us out here in cyberspace) is obviously much cherished and appreciated. And I have no doubt that you have more amusing anecdotes up your sleeve!
Get that racconteur off the couch and get writing, your eager fans are waiting!
What a WONDERFUL blog entry! So candid and humorous. Anyone who reads this can feel your pain. Haven’t we all been there? Sometimes … it’s just TOO much! Remember: tomorrow is a new day.
PS: You were fantastic on your television appearances.
The towncar story is the reason I bought your book, and I passed it on to my yahoo group and a few of the ladies came over to check out your blog. Self-loathing is our perogative, and makes us feel so much better about ourselves once we figure out, it ain’t so bad!