During recent days,, I have found it difficult to carry on with my blog, as if everything in my life is as usual. I don’t use my blog as a platform to discuss political or controversial issues in any way. It’s just meant to be entertaining and enjoyable, hopefully.
This past week I have received countless emails from people who are not regular blog readers, but who are very angry and upset about something that was excerpted from my husband’s forthcoming book. Denis doesn’t have a website, so I guess when people Googled him, they found my website and decided to reach out to him through me.
I have read and responded to each and every one of these emails, except for the few that were actually threatening and excessively hostile. I also forwarded every email to Denis. I have to say that the vast majority of the people who have emailed me have been very respectful and considerate and many apologized for using me as an avenue to reach my husband. Many people wrote long and beautifully articulate descriptions of their children (and in some cases grandchildren, nephews and nieces) who have received the very real and often devastating diagnosis of autism .
The prevailing tone of these emails is just utter exasperation, rather than outright anger. These are people who come up against one roadblock after another when trying to receive the services that their kids so desperately need in order to progress. Regular people who have to fight every day for adequate therapy and education for their children in the hopes that they may someday lead a life that most of us just take for granted. I received one such email just a few minutes ago. I would never post a private email on my blog, but trust me when I tell you that this was a man whose intention was not to bully or harass, but to offer a glimpse into what appears to be an alternate universe that people suddenly find themselves in, in astoundingly increasing numbers, through no fault or choice of their own.
Years ago, I read this article on Salon.com, and I never forgot it. I encourage anybody who wants a glimpse of what it’s like to live with autism to read this eye-opening piece written by the father of preteen with autism.
Denis believes his words were taken out of context and has also been responding to emails. His email address is: [email protected] Please feel free to email him with your reactions to what you have read about his book.
In the meantime, if you have any ideas about how I might be able to use my website to spread awareness about Aspergers/Autism, please feel free to comment or email me.
My thoughts and prayers to those who struggle everyday with this very devastating disorder.
I am so sorry that you and your family must endure the wrath of those who feel slighted and angered by words taken out of context – in Denis’ book. Today’s environment has created an atmosphere that seems to be extremely senstive to EVERYTHING. But I also see the “silver lining” here – that brings these children to the forefront, where the general population that has not been affected – can get a sense of what it is all about.
After reading the Salon article, I find that I am questioning myself as to how I would handle that situation. Honestly – I don’t know if I could. We pray that our children are born with all the advantages in life that we have, if not more. We pray for them to grow up strong, healthy and vibrant. Our son – who is 26 now, struggled with ADHD in his primary school years. I often selfishly wished that his disability was a VISIBLE one – so people could SEE it – rather than look at him like he was an out of control, hyper-active boy, “whose parents just let him get away with everything”. It is not just the child who suffers – it is the ENTIRE FAMILY. By God’s grace, we all survived and grew stronger as a family unit. What was a hardship in the early years, became a blessing now. He has matured beyond his years. With compassion and wisdom, he is now a blessing to others who are hurting. He’s been there and done that – and can relate to people who are troubled. I know that we are incredibly blessed to have come through to the “other side”. Knowing there are so many parents who will not have that experience, I can only pray that they find the love and support from family, friends and professionals that can help them through those dark hours.
It’s interesting how things happen – Denis’ book causes some controversy, but yet it brings to light the plight of these autistic children and their families. I have chosen to become – as I grow older, more optimistic. I know that must sound insane nowadays what with our world seemingly falling apart around us.
But – it is a choice we all have – to take this situation and make something good happen out of it…or not. I think you and Denis, on a path least expected – have touched so many lives and opened the doors for everyone to take notice of these children and their families. It will all work out for the best and we will all be better people for it. I know my eyes have been opened, and the more we learn about the struggles of those around us – the better we can be in helping them.
God Bless you and Denis….
Some great stuff is being written here because of you and your husband, remember that when it all appears to be out of control. Love the blog.
I agree with Sandy… we live in a very ultra-sensitive society these days. I feel like you handled this with the utmost grace & dignity, rather than slamming those that have slammed you. And I applaud you for that. I have been reading your blog since you started it, and check it every morning. I promise to comment more since I too have started a blog and, I confess, that I always anxiously await comments after I post (so feel free!!). You are a gifted writer… God Bless!
Thank you so much for using your blog to address this issue. I have a nephew on the autism spectrum and was truly upset to think that your husband, whom my husband and I thoroughly enjoy and love his work, would have said something so divisive. I have ordered the book and will read for myself. If he says it was taken out of context, I have no doubt that it was. And damn am I glad I don’t have to do a Rescue Me boycott!
I’m sure I’m not the only one who was wondering how you were doing with all of this. As usual, you seem to be handling it with grace and respect.I have not been directly affected by Autism but have read about the great challenge it presents for so many people. You are clearly empathetic and, via your blog, helping to enlighten us on this brutal disease.
Ann, I am so sorry that your family is dealing with the wrath of those who are angry….
The most important thing people must know about aspergers/autism is that they have no social skills…Autism is on the other end of the spectrum from apergers, like if you had the flu, it would be a different strain….
They are usually very functional, smart and obsessive….
My sister is an early childhood educator and is also the foster mother of a severly autistic boy, Jon….He is 18 but developmentally a toddler…Too much stimuli shuts him down…He is congnitively delayed, very aggressive at times and commits to self inflicting injuries…..He can be frustrated due to his wants and needs not being easily communicable…He communicates through pic cards…..He loves baths, those are very calming for him, food ( he would eat 24/7 if he could) wheels, swings, walks, car rides and Mcdonalds french fries ( those have been life savers when he gets angry from sitting in a car too long)….
When we have a family function ( which is often) Jon can get over stimulated from all the commotion, my 7 yr old neice is great with him and his reaction to her is funny because he listens and is gentle with her….My sister lost her 19 yr old daughter Oct 21, 2004 in a car accident and if you show Jon Heather’s picture he will say “Heathooo” and point to her room…..
I, too, 2 yrs ago was the foster mom of a boy with Joberts syndrome, he lived with me for 9 months….He was 18, still in diapers, communcated through sign language, and committed to self inflicting injuries….He, too like Jon was a lover of food and had to be monitored….
I also believe that Denis’ book has shed the light on autism/aspergers to make people more aware of this infliction….
Remember its always the darkest before the dawn….
Beautifully handled. Both of you. Be strong.
Oh Ann. It was my hope, in having not seen any recent comments from “new” readers or recent mentions by you, that you might have been left alone. But sadly that’s not the case. I’m glad that most people have been respectful and not angry. If these people took the time to read even just a few entries of your blog, they’d see what kind-hearted, generous, lovely people I perceive you and your husband to be.
Press is a difficult thing, and in an age where skimming a blurb has taken the place of actual research and critical thought, the media has found a way to exploit this bad habit of ours to maximize page views and issues sold.
Because I’ve long-admired Denis’s intelligence and his talents in juxtaposing varied forms of comedy with serious points, I have no choice but to trust that what’s been reported is simply a misconception. I owe it to him to judge the book in its entirety once it’s released.
I hope everyone leaves you alone and takes it easy on Denis. Chin up, lady!
Ann:
It’s upsetting that people continue to create furor and controversy over excerpts from books without bothering to read the entire portion of the book. It’s also maddening that you are being subjected to hostility and threats via emails. I have always admired Denis’s intelligence, passion, philanthropy, and dedication. Therefore, I do not believe it was his intention to say that all parents of children who have been diagnosed with autism are using the disease as an excuse for their childrens’ behavior. I pre-ordered his book as soon as I learned of its upcoming publication, and now eagerly await receiving it and reading the related part of the book for myself.
If Denis says his words were taken out of context, I believe him. He has made a career out of tackling difficult, sensitive subjects with anger and compassion in order to bring certain aspects of each subject to light. If part of what he is trying to say is that there are a small number of people who use serious diseases as excuses for bad behavior and laziness, even though they or their children do not have these diseases, then I agree with him. It’s much easier to take a pill or believe there is no remedy than to deal with the ramifications of ill manners or sloth.
You and Denis are classy, intelligent, sensitive, generous, kind, and thoughtful people. Try to stay above the fray, and always remember that there are millions of people who willingly follow Denis down the roads he travels in order to make his valid points.
Ann:
You handled this with class and grace. I love your blog and your books and have enjoyed Denis’ body of work tremendously. I wish you both well and I’m very happy to hear that you’re feeling better!
RE: Megan’s comment — “Denis’ body of work” — giggling at where my dirty little mind went!
Ann, It’s sad to say but I think that today’s society just looks for things to be outraged and angry about. They jump to conclusions without having the facts or fragmants of what they believe to be facts. I am sorry that you have to deal with this while you are healing from your surgery, but as the others already have pointed out, you do so with such grace. Stay well and keep your chin up.
You can’t please everyone , so love the one you are with. Love will conquer everything in the long run . I have you and your kids and hubby in my prayers. This to shall pass.
I’ve been reading your blog since I saw you on ‘The View’ promoting Outtakes of A Marrigage, (I got the book) and the blog IS entertaining and enjoyable. I love animals and nature too. It is a safe place free of political opinions or rants, it’s fun and funny.Pornography is a thing that disturbs me very much. I did a paper and some research on it’s damaging effects to young children and how pervs use it. How many little girls lives were ruined by a perv showing a porno pic of Jenny McCarthy and saying “See Jenny took her clothes off and had her picture taken and you can too” People in glass houses….. Hope that wasn’t too much of a rant.
PS – I want every dog from Best Friends.
Sandy’s comments about Jenny McCarthy reminded me of the vile words McCarthy used in her opinion about the excerpt from Denis’s book. She most certainly has no right to criticize anyone else, let alone a man who has lived his entire life and artistic career in a manner which leaves him immune to tabloids and gossip. Regarding the comments from many of these people, all I can say is: Consider the source.
Hi Ann,
Thanks for bringing this up. I was reading the blog and have enjoyed all the posts, but was wondering about the big elephant in the room. I think it is really admirable of you and your husband to address the issues personally through emails.
Thank you again for everything you do and to Denis for all he does for the fireman and their families.
You both ROCK!
Just stumbled upon your blog and am so happy! I’ve read “An Innocent, A Broad” so many times and think you’re just as hilarious as your husband. And I’m glad you wrote about the autism thing. My nephew was diagnosed with Aspergers and didn’t have it – the doctors just wanted to diagnose it away. I totally get what Denis was talking about and completely agree. People who want to censor him and others like him have to learn to shut it…but that will never happen.
My cousin’s son has Autism, which was first diagnosed last year. It’s been a tough year for my cousin and her family, but with her son’s treatments, thearpy, and supportive family he is doing much better. There has been so much improvement.
On a side note, what I’m realizing is that most pediatricians are not really up for the task of helping children with Autism. I hope that as this issue becomes more widely addressed, aspiring doctors are taught more about Autism, and it’s causes/treatments etc.
Ann, thanks for addressing this issue on your blog. I’ve been a fan of Denis’ work for a long time, and have been reading your blog for some months now. I certainly believe that his remarks were taken out of context. Also, in my opinion, when you’re a comedian nothing is off limits.
Mrs. Leary,
Thank you for your blog entry on autism.
Sincerely,
Todd
An uncle to three autistic children