Yesterday I had another tennis lesson with Val. We were hitting the ball back and forth and he had me doing this drill where you hit the ball cross-court, then hit the ball straight ahead, then run over to the backhand court, hit the ball cross-court, then straight ahead, etc.
It was quite fun but I was often hitting shots into the net. I believed this was because I wasn’t swinging properly. Val said, “You’re a little stiff.” I thought he meant my shoulders and I said that yes, my shoulders were a little stiff. Val said, “No, your legs. When you run, you don’t bend your knees.”
“I don’t bend my knees when I run?”
“No,” said Val. And then I was treated to a demonstration of the way I run. Imagine a person running who has no knees. In order to create any momentum, you must tilt your upper body forward and then the ramrod straight limbs sort of stagger along behind you, Frankenstein style. When I saw Val do this, I instantly realized that a) I was watching the funniest thing I’ve seen since Don Knotts died; and b) he was, in fact, not trying to be funny but was doing a dead-on impersonation of me, running. It turns out that for these five years of trying to learn tennis, I have not bent my knees. Not while swinging. Not while running. I don’t know why – the knees bend.
I recalled, then, a riding lesson I took a few years back. I had just steered my horse around a course of jumps, sending rails flying and causing many gasps of fright from onlookers. When I pulled up my horse, the instructor said, “Ann, the problem with you is …” and then she paused, trying to find the exact words. Finally, she shook her head and said, definitively, “You’re a spaz.”
Dear Ann,
Whether the knees are bendy or not, you are funny, self-deprecating and oh-so charming! (AND you mentioned Don Knotts!).
Have a wonderful weekend,
Lynne
lololololol Ok, I’m actually snorting with laughter here. Dearest Ann, I so love your humility, you humor, and the fact that you’re just plain adorable. You may be a spaz, but you’re our very adored and loved spaz.
Wishing you …knee bends. Have fun!
: )
Well from One spaz to another…. I say… so long as your having fun:) Maybe you wont ever need a knee replacement because you have never used them…… You could always practice and get them supple and get on your knees to beg Denis for more pets? Dog breeding…..horse breeding… hey it’s just practice right?…lololololol
Ann your the best!
X
And while I’m flattered that you’re following me on twitter, I’m not actually twittering. I just signed up on the website to follow you! lololol I did just tweet you from the website though. tweet tweet!
Next time when you run, visualize John Cleese as the Minister of Silly Walks from that classic Monty Python skit.
Ann,
Your “spastic” description reminded me of the tennis scene in the movie “Meatballs” with Bill Murray—the scene where the chubby kid and Spaz are playing tennis, trying to impress the girls. And I felt compelled to yell, “Spaz, Spaz, Spaz,” as a form of encouragement as I finished reading your post.
Your post also reminded me of a tennis lesson I had. My instructor told me I needed to bend my knees more, too, which didn’t made sense to me. I’m fairly short. Only a few inches off the ground myself. So, how could bending my knees more possibly help my swing? I was convinced if I bent my knees more, I’d scrape and rip the skin off my legs. My instructor, who’s also my brother (he’s a phenomenal tennis player), told me to pretend I was genuflecting before each shot.
“Are you crazy?” I shouted across the court. “As a recovering Catholic, that’s the worst bit of advice you can give me.”
“Shut up and just do it,” he encouraged.
I grumbled my way back to the baseline and got into position. When the ball came sailing across the net, I bent in solemn prayer, “Oh, God, please let me hit this ball back and smack John upside the head.” The heavens opened and my prayers were answered. A direct hit. And now every time I play tennis, I say a little prayer of thanks to John as I genuflect to hit the ball.
Ann, this probably should go on yesterdays post, but have you heard about the film Horse Boy? It’s about the family of an autistic boy who find that their son finally opens up when he starts riding horses. They then travel to Mongolia in search of a Shaman who they’ve heard can help their son. Here’s the synopsis:
OVER THE HILLS AND FAR AWAY chronicles the journey of the Isaacson family as they travel through Mongolia in search of a mysterious shaman who they believe can heal their autistic son. This film delves into the strange world of autism, horses, shamanism, and Mongolia while telling the story of a family that will go to the end of the earth to find a way into their son’s life.
Here’s the website: http://www.horseboymovie.com/Film.php
It sounds wonderful, and I think some of the people from Ivy Hill are going to go see it when it plays nearby next month.
I thought you might be interested in it because of your work with Little Britches.
Ann
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7mOzWQSnaQ&feature=fvw
“don’t tell me, you look just like I do!”
“nah, YOU look just like I do!”
Dear Anonymous-
That is, by far, the cutest thing I have ever seen. I yearn for grandchildren as much as I yearned for children..
I suppose that’s a picture of some 40s pinup whom I should recognize, but I had to look closely to make sure it wasn’t you a little…made up. It isn’t you, is it? Does that make you feel better?
No, Phil, Ginger Rogers has knees that bend, as she is clearly demonstrating. Would love to find her outfit though.
Time to start doing your deep knee bends at night, too funny. I am listening to Frank McCourt read Angela’s ashes and I thought of you as I know he was a neighbor. (great to listen to).
Ann
I was the anonimous for the day. Forgot to enter the data, as I was laughing so hard to the little babies!! cute.
I am looking for a video about somebody who walks without bending the knees and see if you relate to ‘it’.
I was trying to find footage of Frankenstein walking, to give you an idea of my gait, when I came across these hysterical outtakes from one of the funniest movies of all time – Mel Brooks’ YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN. Enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6Ec43f1xdU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gssf-r3AFAU
Did you ever see that Seinfield the one where the woman doesnt swing her arms? This reminds me of that one. She is in physical therapy at the end going but it’s sooooooooo hard. I am still giggling at your visual in this post. You may not be able to run properly but you are an artist with your words Ann.
Ann, you are so funny the way you describe simple everyday things. You have me in absolute stitches.
When my sister was about 15 years old she was learning to dive off the diving board. I told her she needed to keep her legs straight. She said she was!!! I took a picture and she burst out laughing when she saw how bent her legs really were. She said she looked like a really short dolphin.
Colleen, love the story about you and your brother. It’s always nice to have supportive siblings by your side.
See! THIS, this is why we adore you!!!
I have never seen my children laugh so hard as the day they zoomed through a cross-walk ahead of me, leaving me to sprint out of traffic’s way. Apparently, according to them, I had never RUN before.
We are with you on this one Ann. I am imagining an entire blog population who were ALL chosen last for sports in school.
Okay, I’ve been wasting time on youtube again, and since I mentioned Don Knotts, I decided to look for a few clips. I actually had a crush on Don Knotts when I was really little. Denis always teases me about this. I just thought (and still think) he’s one of the funniest men who has ever lived. Here are some classic Don Knotts clips. I’m crying from laughing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBuPQgV8yBM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aGhwrCMAFRQ
Those are great clips of Don Knotts! I always loved his scenes with Thelma Lou too. He tried to be so romantic and came off so silly. But she loved him. You gotta love a man whose funny – it’s a very attractive quality! But, Ann, I guess you’re very familiar with that!
The first clip of Don Knotts reciting the preamble, is HILARIOUS! I reposted that on FB. The visual of your running with locked knees had me laughing out loud too. I remember the first time I saw the way I walk. It’s like I did too much roller skating as a kid and my walk is like I am roller skating. It’s always comforting to know there are others out there with certain quirks!
Ann, I have to ask: I’m a new reader to your blog, but, while I live with my family in London for the school year, I spend summers in a little town in Connecticut and my tennis instructor last summer was… Val. I was not a very good pupil as I was much more interested in chatting with Val than paying attention to the ball. But could there be two of him in CT, off, shall we say, 84?
I am greatly enjoying your tales of daily life and the people who make you laugh. Visit my blog if you’re in the mood for a taste of life in gorgeous London with a teenage girl, four cats and a would-be cookbook in the making.
Kristen, what town was it? I’m sure it was my Val! Will check out your London blog right now
Southbury! And I was so pleased to see your comment on my blog. Thank you.