Awwwwwwww!
We’re having our bathroom done. First, the shower needed to be fixed, and then we determined that the shower needed to be replaced and now the entire bathroom is being gutted and rebuilt. It’s the bathroom next to our bedroom. I really hate the term “master” bath, I always have, since I was a child, but it’s the bathroom attached to our bedroom.
I’m sharing this because they just started the demolition of the former bathroom yesterday. I left in the morning, to work elsewhere, and when I arrived home, the dogs met me at the door, just freaking out. They were explaining to me, with their contortions and whining and carrying on, that they had allowed strange men into the house having no idea that their intention was to attack my bathroom with jackhammers. Daphne and Lulu really seemed to feel reponsible for the whole thing. The noise was incredible. There were two jackhammers going in my bathroom.
As the workers finished for the day, I looked at the gaping holes where our shower and tub used to be and asked if any of the holes led outside. “We’ve had problems with bats,” I explained.
The nice jackhammer guy (let’s call him Jack) said, “No, don’t worry, those holes just lead into your attic.”
“Oh my God,” I screamed, ducking and running from the bathroom, “our attic is FILLED with bats.”
“Um…You live in a house with an attic filled with bats?”
“Yes,” I said. Then, seeing his perplexed look, I quickly explained that we didn’t stock the attic with bats. If it was our choice they’d live elsewhere.
Jack asked why we didn’t have the bats removed and I told him about the bat/wildlife removal expert (we call him Batman) we called in last spring to help us with the bat problem. First, Batman wanted to get rid of the bats in the early spring, by sealing their tiny entrances and egresses, before they had their babies. The bats would be having babies in a few weeks, Batman explained, and if he sealed them from the house after the babies were born, the mothers wouldn’t be able to return to them and the babies would die. He started to explain what a stinky situation that would be, but he had already lost me with the words,”mothers” and “dead babies.”
“Are the mothers pregnant now?” I asked Batman.
“Yes, he said, “so you really need to get them out before they have the babies.”
“But where will they go? What if they can’t find another unoccupied attic in time?” I said. Somehow, even pig-faced, flying rodents become somewhat precious to me when I am forced to consider their babies. My attic was, in fact, a bat nursery, and I had to think of the mothers, all plump and expectant, all warm and safe, hanging by their toes from the ceiling.
I determined that that the bats must be allowed to remain in the attic until after the babies were born and able to fly, and then Batman could seal off the house.
Well, the spring came and went and Batman became very busy, but we decided there was no rush. The bats were not coming into the part of the house where we live. They live in a crawl-space part of the attic where nobody goes. So, we passed the summer watching the bats soaring and dipping over the fields each evening, and I felt a sense of proud ownership toward them, I have to admit. These bats had been born and bred in my own house and they were a fine-looking bunch. These Leary bats are special, I told myself, then I screamed and shuddered and ran into the barn when one swooped a little too close to my head.
Several weeks ago, we got another call from Batman. If we wanted the bats out by winter, now was the time. They would be hibernating soon. I had thought bats were migratory for some reason and when I heard that they hibernate, visions of sleeping bear cubs came to my mind. Visions of warm, cuddly, sleeping mammals.
“Where will they go?”
“Someplace else,” Batman cried. The man’s job is to get rid of bats and he was losing his patience with me. I was having a hard time letting go. They weren’t just any bats, now. They were our bats.
So I think you know how the story ends. I imagined my bat families flying from house to house, knocking on eaves and loose clapboards, only to be driven off by the territorial winged residents already there (and bats hate those bat houses, we have them all over our property – it’s the one place where bats won’t roost). I imagined them huddled in a tree, the mother’s frozen wing wrapped around her young, the father wringing his disgusting claws in despair, and the little ones asking, “Why can’t we go back in the warm house?”
“Because the selfish witch lady wants the whole place to herself, dear one.”
I explained all this to Jack and I saw him catch the eye of another guy in his crew a couple of times. He wasn’t exactly backing away, as I told him the story of the bats in the attic. He was leaning away. Just leaning.
There was no way for him to cover up all the holes to the attic, last night, so he shut the bathroom door, and sealed the bottom with duct tape, just to keep anybody from crawling over and offering their rabid thanks.
Today, when Jack returns and unseals the bathroom, I’ll take a picture of the mess for you all.
Aww, Ann, loved the bat story.You made them sound so lovable.
: )
Ann, I believe that you are suffering from an incurable case of AOAA, which of course is Acute Obsessive Animal Anthropomorphism.
I saw the picture and though ‘Uh oh, bat problems again.’ Oh my God, you had me laughing so hard it started a coughing fit again, my boss asked what was wrong with me. I couldn’t say I was laughing because I was reading an hysterically funny blog, so I just said I swallowed my tea wrong and was choking on it.
I love your description of Daphne and Lulu. I can tell they were saying ‘We tried to stop them Mom, we swear! They wouldn’t listen to us!’
Stock the attic with bats. lololololol Mothers warm and safe in the Leary Bat Nursery. hehehe Watching the ‘Special’ Leary bats soaring and dipping. I just can’t stop laughing.
But the prize goes to your thoughts on what would happen to the poor homeless Leary bats, blocked from their home, freezing in the cold. No room at the Inn anywhere. SO funny! I wonder, what does Denis think of the bat situation? hmmmm Something tells me he’s not so sympathetic towards the poor mama and papa bats.
Ok, so now your bathroom guys think you’re a bit off your rocker. They’ll probably call you the Bat Lady. hehehe
Oh my! You are a brave soul. I’ve seen more bats this season lately than years past when the sun is going down. My dad told me I’d best get a “bat racket” (aka tennis racket) when we move. I think I’d prefer a bucket and a towel and try to coax errant bats into the bucket.
I do actually know that there is a bat family in the hayloft of our new barn (well, it’s 30 years old but we just bought it so it’s new to me!), and since I can’t use the hayloft, they’re more than welcome to use it. I just wish I could get some rent from them or something!
Morning Ann,
This is indeed a very funny story – aside from all the “cute” bat images that come to mind, it illustrates (perfectly) how men and women think!
“Jack” and the Batman think you’re nuts. They have a job to do – and that is that. The Batman doesn’t care where the bats are going to go – his job is to get rid of them!! “Jack” can’t understand why you would have rodents living in your attic to begin with and the fact that you have a logical story to go along with it is even crazier!
We have rodent problems periodically when the winters are severe and our mutual property owners decide that it’s time to come in out of the cold. I have always had a problem with the method of death.
Clearly, I don’t want to live with them, but at the same time I think about the rest of their families and where are they anyway?
I have always maintained that if they want to come into the garage, that’s okay (ours is heated – quirky house) if they would only stay there. I can share as well as anybody else. But, they don’t, they want to explore and then it’s the beginning of the end.
Oh my God. And I loath and worry about crickets? I do hope they find a condominium before the big lockdown. Not only do your animals have a complete mind of their own but I’m beginning the house has an attitude.
Sorry – I got distracted as usual – “I am beginning to think your house as attitude”.
Ann – you have “bats in your belfry”.
What in God’s name is wrong with my typing skills today. I give up. I’ll just “read” the blog today.
I cannot believe you are not a vegetarian.
I am and I would have had those bats far and gone the first time around. I love that you have such love for the bats, your bats. You have made me rethink my reaction to bats and I am trying my hardest not to be freaked out by the photo of the baby bats.
That’s why you are so great! On behalf of all animal loving folks out there, thank you for giving the mom bats a safe, warm home to have their baby bats.
The bats have to make a page or two in your upcoming animal book.
This reminds me of an oddity I have. When a fly or other flying insect is in or on my car as I’m leaving somewhere, I say to it ‘You’d better get out/off now, you don’t want to leave your bug family, do you?’ And I actually feel bad for it if it stays and ends up miles from its staring point, from its home. lololol And I hate bugs!
Ann – we are also going thru a remodel of our master bath which is a DIY project. It’s quite the ordeal although no bats are involved. I would have batman come back and remove the creatures before you start naming them. Otherwise you will be hearing, mom, there is a bat on your bathrobe.
Okay, Ann. I think this settles it—you really do have the bad-assiest pets of all!!!!!
Take care,
Lynne
Ann:
I think the bat picture is cute!.
The Leary bats, huh?. And yes, Jack lost you when using the word ‘mothers’ and ‘babies’. How about another word or something??
I had RATS living in the attic and in between the walls in one older home in Los Altos. I could hear them at night running about. I may have told the story that I used rat poison , as instructed, and many of the poor things ended up at the next door’s neighbours pools… as they get thrisdy… For some reason, the words ‘mammal”mother’, ‘babies’ did not come to mind. The words “they carry rabbies” did. I have a cruel soul!.
Note: you write beautifully.
They do have the sweetest little faces as babies, then they grow up…
Great story, Ann….Thank you for the morning laugh!!!
Holy dilemma, Batwoman! This invasion sounds like a job for Julie’s pythons or the Leary’s raccoons.
Good luck.
Funniest. Post. Ever.
It think the babies look positively angelic especially the little guy on the right. What a sweet face. Can’t imagine even Batman wanting to off the little guy. A live and let live attitude would make the world a much nicer place.
Let’s just hope the dogs are OK with the bats and don’t go all Cujo from a bite. Maybe it’s time you read some Steven King before you decide to keep the Leary bats.
Great story
Sweetest. Entry. Ever.
My most terrifying memories of bats come from your home.
Ann, I have an idea! You can get the mamas and papas spayed and neutered, and give them rabies shots. Also get their tiny little ears tagged like they do feral cats so you know which ones are done. Then you occasionally go through the herd and repeat the process with the ones that haven’t been done yet. Eventually the population would die out. You wouldn’t be killing any, and there wouldn’t be any homeless bat families out freezing in the cold.
Perfect! lololololol I just cracked myself up!
Oh my. I love bats. I’ve always loved Dracula, Halloween and goth. But I do not love them in my human space. They are wild animals. They carry fatal diseases. Not to mention bat poop draws all kinds of bugs that infiltrate your house and heating cooling system. My parents had bats in their attic and I got bit while I slept. And to think the bat was absolutely gorgeous flying around the room until the reality of the situation sunk in. You cannot feel a bat bite. They have blood coagulators and anesthetic in their saliva. Having gone thru rabies treatment twice in 1 1/2 years, I say, get rid of the bats, now. Bats and rats only need a quarter size space to get thru.
We are currently fighting rats. We have serious rats, black Norwegian rats. Beautiful big rats that come up the bluff from Puget sound. Our rats actually come up to the window and look in when I’m cooking and had the nerve to jump on the barbeque when I took the chicken off and went inside. I had to buy another barbeque. Thats when the traps came out. We run a trap line with some neighbors. Dead rats get brief service then chucked over the bluff to feed the coyote gods. They know my rat killer cat is gone. No thanks to the coyote gods. We are hoping the problem is going to end because our neighbors, unbeknownst to them, had a rat farm in their attic. They went to change a light fixture that was their in the kitchen and found rat poops. hmmmm. They had a guy come out to look into the attic. Holy shit, rats everywhere, living for at least 15 years up there. The rafters where urine soaked & poop coated. For weeks they had people in toxic suits, killing the rats, scraping the wood then sealing it and replacing all the ceiling plaster. Made for really funny party talk tho.
I agree with Annie. That story creeped me out. I like the horse and dog posts; the bat stories are too unsettling. My nerves. Courtney is right about you sounding more and more like a vegetarian.
Okay, first of all, the Annie that commented that her most terrifying bat memories come from my house, is not the usual Annie that comments here. She’s Annie R, who is from our town and was our very dear friend/nanny/sister/daughter until she went off to Kenyon College and never returned. Annie was staying in our house with the kids one summer and there was a bat situation. I don’t recall the exact details but I think one was hanging from a wall on the stairs? She called our neighbors, I know that. I’ll have to see if she’ll elaborate.
Also Elisabeth and Kristi, are you the same person. So wild that you sent the same posts without seeing each other’s (I approved them at the same time). Stuff like that keeps happening to me lately!
Also, wanted to add that I didn’t take the photograph. I lifted it off the web. Just didn’t want anybody to think I’m actually doing portraits of the bats now.
Kristin – wow. The barbecue thing. And the rest of it. Calling Batman today.
I’m very nervous today because my blog is being reformatted. I’m switching over to another system and it’s happening today and I’m afraid the whole thing is going to disappear into thin air…which is actually where it exists, I guess. I know nothing about the internet, so I have no idea what’s at stake with this transition. The blog will look pretty much the same. Slightly different header. I hope you all like it.
oh my god, how funny. We have bats too our solution was to seal off the doors cracks that lead to the lower part of the house. I have no clue what is going on up there after the first time I got a glimpse of all those beady little eyes. Its not that I love them or I worry where they will live, I am not that nice. I just have no use for the attic and until I do (doubtful) they are welcome to it. If I had to get rid of them, I would know how many there actually are up there and never be able to stick foot in my home again.
Kristin, you’re post about the rats really creeped me out. EEEEWWWW!
Happy Face Annie
: )
Hi, to the nanny Annie
Good bat choice Ann. You can love them from afar. New format for the blog. Sounds exciting. Weird to think we all exist in space, filaments of our imagination.
Tracy, your feral bat colony cracked me up. I often see kids on TV with their pet bats. I often wonder if the bats are angry at their owners because they can’t fly free or if they can be domesticated, kinda like warped hamsters.
Ann – have you actually seen them in the attic at any time hanging?
Kim, no, because the part of the attic that you can walk in is finished off with sheetrock. They live in the space between that and the roof. That was the space that was exposed yesterday.
I just spoke to a friend who lives in the area and she informed me that the local bat population has been really diminished by some kind of white fungus blight. She used to have dozens flying around her house every night. This summer she never saw more than one. I told her that this summer, we seemed to have more than ever. It’s really weird but I am absolutely terrified/disgusted by bats, yet feel a strange pride that we are a sort of hotbed of bat activity. I wonder if I can hang up a “Bat Sanctuary” sign and get some kind of tax credit?
Awww… I don’t have a problem with bats. Very rarely see any here but I think I’d be like you Ann. If they were in a part of the house I don’t go in and there was no chance for them to get into our living space I probably would leave them alone. The thought of those babies and mommies out in the cold…
I was just reading about the white fungal disease. Fresh bat droppings carry a potentially serious fungus/bacteria; Histoplasmosis. Could this thing that effects humans and other animals now be effecting the bats? Maybe too much poop to bat ratio. It seems to be found in huge bat congregations. It also could be from a third party, the party down parasites that travel with them. What a problem to ponder.
Ann, maybe you could move them out of the house and build them a small addition onto the barn? With video link ups to we can follow their lives. Like the NY falcons.
I’m in Florida and am terrified of lizards. Seriously. I can remember not wanting to go outside on the patio as a small child until one of my brothers and sisters would go out first and scare them off. Now my children think it’s funny to chase me around while holding lizards and recently my daughter put two on her ears and just walked right up to me. Brat!! I would FREAK if we had bats!
Ann, I have to give you credit for being so considerate of the bats – pregnant and all. You are right about the white fungus thing. Apparently scientists are really worried about the bat population, however, after reading Kristen’s entry…maybe there is a humane way to remove those creatures from your home.
Last year we had our first family of mice move into our home. Muffin, our cat, brought it to our attention by bringing a live mouse up from the basement!!!! That night my daughter and I purchased all the mouse traps a local store had in stock. My daughter could not stop laughing when she saw the cashier’s reaction to 15 mouse traps and only mouse traps on the check-out counter.
My husband set all the traps up because I was not going to lose a finger or chip a nail trying to do it. The next day and day after – all the traps were empty because the mice know how to avoid them. (I am convinced they go to kindergarten mouse trap class; KMTC for short.) Then, one night, I was in the bathroom brushing my hair and I heard a noise. It sounded like something was walking between our walls. My husband came running up the stairs and said, “Do you hear that? Those bastards are walking between the walls. They can easily chew through wires and cause all kinds of havoc if we don’t get them!”
Muffin and the traps weren’t enough. My father suggested, so help me, to cook bacon and put the bacon on the traps. I decided to give it a try. Muffin got all excited about the smell of bacon. I was afraid I was going to see her nose in a trap instead of a mouse’s. Against my better judgement I put bacon on the traps and it worked. We caught the entire family. We are, however, gearing up for another seaon of mice because it is starting to get cold outside. Yesterday we had snow here in CT.
Good luck with the bats.
Once again I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. Absolutely hilarious.
Ann,
Growing up in the great state of Michigan all I ever heard when a dog went missing was they moved to a farm in Connecticut. Now when people have missing dogs I can say they moved to a farm in Connecticut with the Bat Lady named Ann.
You put me in tears every time.
Did your husband sleep in the car? I would have.
Ann – my mom has been an auditor with the IRS for like 30 years. I’m wondering if you can write them off as dependents. Wouldn’t THAT be the absolute bomb!
I know this goes nowhere. It just reminds me of the time when I was 17 and I walked into my girlfriends house and my girlfriends father was on a step stool picking hamburgers off the ceiling because their son was flipping them too high. I walked in and I was SO hysterical laughing because they were picking beef off the ceiling. I know this has nothing to do with anything but it was SO crazy and ridiculous. Thats what this reminds me of. Its like bats and can it get any more crazier than this?????? Ann…………I would literally walk into your house and pee my pants. Sorry……….I’m hysterical now.
I never thought I would find bats to be cute. To me they were always terrifying creatures at any stage of development. I studied the faces of the baby bats, initially finding them TERRIFYING but eventually endearing.
One more thing, I just finished the novel “Disgrace” by J.M. Coetzee. Winner of the Nobel Prize and by God it is well deserved. I couldn’t put it down. The upcoming movie piqued my interest in the book. Can’t wait to see it. I would’ve liked to see Hugh Laurie in the lead but John Malkovich is always an interesting presence. He’ll do. From the title, one can tell it’s not a cheerful read but it is truly written well.
Gloria
Gloria, thanks for that. I bought this book but never read it. Now I will.
Colleen, obviously not enough raccoons nor snakes at the Leary House, or there wouldn’t be this problem. (Actually I’m not really sure if either of those are bat eaters, but still, good suggestion.)
Ann, my youngest daughter (yes the one with the python and the foster dogs) adores bats. Had “Stella Luna” books and toys growing up. Got all goth in high school with tons of bat jewelry. (She is a vegetarian and over-the-top animal lover.) But one does have to draw the line. When the bats all fly out for their night time bug-fest feeding frenzy, that’s the time to seal up the holes to the attic. When they come back to sleep the day away, and can’t get back in, they really do “go somewhere else” -like those bat houses you have in your yard, or trees near by, or barns, or any other place. They are wild animals and they adapt accordingly. The “leavings” that probably now cover your floors in that walled off space can leach down into the wood (just like all that rat poo) and it is horribly toxic, not to mention all of the really creepy stuff that lives in it. Just my two cents today.
Hi Ann and everyone. Ann, you should contact Geri Griswold at White Memorial. She’s known as “the bat lady” and is an expert and lover of all things bat. She actually has “pets” that she rehabbed. She’s also a riot. I’m sure she would be glad to answer any questions regarding a safehouse for the Leary bats and the problems bats are having with that fungus. And I agree, what’s up with that master crap?
As always, a super funny blog and wonderful comments! It is true about the bats and the fungus, so a Leary Bat Haven is a good thing. It is really decimating the bat population here, and was one of the reasons there were so many mosquitos this summer, life out of balance. And yes, those bat houses don’t work, I have some too, but they still prefer to live under the eaves of the back porch and in the barn.
Caroline, just wanted to let you know you can use the Beaver title. Now, is the documentary about the pesky creatures who have managed to take down a number of 60 foot trees and all my copper beaches, or is it more Real Housewives and a Local Bar??? Just my twisted mind at work!
And, OMG, just as I was writing this, the cutest black bear just came to visit the chickens! Hayley is going nuts, so I am signing off.
John, I hope you got some pictures of that bear. Send one so I can post it!
My 5 year old daughter just read the top of this post. She said, “Look, Where the Wild Things Are. Those are baby bats,you know. Those aren’t her pets are they?”
I replied, “Hmmm. Not sure at this point.”
Very funny!
OMG, I have been laughing so hard, yesterday and today! You are all so funny! From kindergarten mouse trap class, burgers on the ceiling, dogs moving to a farm in CT to live with the Bat Lady named Ann, to John’s questions about Caroline’s documentary. I just can’t stop laughing. Great on a rainy day like today.
Don’t laugh at my reality show “Beavers at the Local Watering Hole”, Tracy . . . or I won’t ask you to come make a guest appearance!! lolol
Now Caroline, I wasn’t laughing at you, I was laughing at John’s question. lololol And now you just have to answer the question for us.
Of course I’ll come down there and make a guest appearance, you know I’m wherever I am is where the fun is at! lololol
Ann,
Two things:
1. Sounds like this should definitely be a chapter in your book.
2. I just looked and apparently your house is listed in the Bat Zagat guide with an extremely high rating. Kudos.
Catherine
Ann, you are the funniest person I’ve ever known. I can’t get anything done because I can’t stop reading your blog. I’m dying over here. Thanks for such brilliant entertainment-and it’s free!
Yeah Ann – you have vindicated me yet again! I am a long time mouse sympathizer, and have run in to many blank stares when I try to explain my thought process. Now all I have to do is carry around a copy of this bat blog entry and it will be clear to all who will listen that I am not crazy. Right?
Elaboration on the bat story.
I was staying at the house and taking care of the kids and the pets. I got up early, walked to the barn in my pajamas, and returned to the house (filthy, covered in hay, smelling like poop, with grain in my hair). I was going to head upstairs to shower and change when I saw the bat. It was hanging from the overhang of a stair about half way up. I would like to say that some clever, responsible actions followed. I don’t think they did. I panicked and called Ann. She told me to call the extremely cute neighbor/actor/friend. No way. Not looking like this. So instead I called the family friendly dad next door. He came over with his son, a tennis racquet and a bucket. They got the bat outside and trapped it under the bucket in the corner of the driveway. Later that day, the kids were around (maybe they weren’t there in the morning, I really don’t remember). Anyway, Jack wanted to know where the bat was. He looked under the bucket and it was dead. Perhaps it doesn’t sound that terrifying, but it was. And it was not the only time I saw the Leary bats.
Bats are fantastic! I live in Texas and will be spending Christmas in Austin this year. I hope I can see the bats there. Awesome, beneficial little creatures!
Ann, I have just discovered your blog via the Times, and I adore you.
Btw, totally same reaction, but insert my fiance and a small pregnant fieldmouse, god bless her.
Greetings from Canada! I live in a 150-year old farm house in the country and we have had only one bat….visitation (I’m reluctant to call it an infestation despite the fact that the butcher in our town told me that 200 plus in the attic was but….) Anyhoo, we got rid of them thusly: we booked a two day spa weekend and put a portable stereo on full blast in the attic with ACDC’s Greatest Hits on repeat. When we returned, the bats had vacated. And I was pregnant. But that’s another story.
We got rid of the bat’s, though!
Try it.
Ann –
My brother successfully move a number of bats out of his Woodbury barn by building them a bat house. Here are some instructions and images:
http://www.thisoldhouse.com/toh/how-to/intro/0,,20165965,00.html
Here’s a how-to on removing them safely:
http://www.wikihow.com/Catch-a-Bat-in-Your-House
Good luck! I found your blog through the NYT (like MANY on here, it seems.) You have a beautiful home, and I’m looking forward to reading more about the country life.
And after you get rid of the bats … by loud noises or otherwise (I’d give up on Batman if i were you) then you could do what my Aunt Louise did and hang bags of mothballs in the attic with the window open during the daylight hours to let them escape and find a new home. Any leftovers will leave because they cannot bear the smell.
If the bats are stuck between the wallboard and the attic room how do they get outside to eat at night?
Really, mothballs work. Also on raccoons, woodchucks, opossums, squirrels and other outdoor life.