HAVE ME
by Carl Sandburg
HAVE me in the blue and the sun.
Have me on the open sea and the mountains.
When I go into the grass of the sea floor, I will go alone.
This is where I came from—the chlorine and the salt are blood and bones.
It is here the nostrils rush the air to the lungs. It is here oxygen clamors to be let in.
And here in the root grass of the sea floor I will go alone.
Love goes far. Here love ends.
Have me in the blue and the sun.
I could sit on a beach forever! Your photos are beautiful! Love the poem too…made me want to crawl right in the photo and have a seat in one of the cabanas.
My late grandmother, who would have turned 92 yesterday, loved the beach, loved the sun. After she died 3 years ago, my family built a home in Haiti in her memory for a family in need. It is a pink house by the beach. It was not harmed in the Earthquake. My uncle does charity work in Haiti so that’s how it came about.
These photos look like my Grammy! She could have sat there forever too.
I love this. Great poem. Again, a reminder of when we got engaged and then flew down to Miami. Of course, the beach didn’t look that tranquil – it was covered in Meatheads for the Winter Music Conference (hint: untz untz untz). Still, it was a romantic getaway for us!
Christine, what a great story. I’m so glad the house in Haiti was unharmed, and hopefully, the inhabitants too.
I have Rebecca set on the DVR in case I can’t sit down in time to watch, but I do hope to watch in real time. I’ve got about 20 pages to go before I finish the book, so off I go, coffee in hand!
Ann, enjoy the sun. It’s 8 degrees here!
I will miss Rebecca today due to superbowl goings on but have it reserved at the library. Something about the poem today made me feel rather “blue” shall we say. Christine, So nice to hear that the house in Haiti is OK, at least a spark of good news from down there. I have an idea for an up coming open blog, rememeber last year we all posted a little about ourselves, this time everyone post your town, county, and state. And Country. Not looking for anyone’s home address, just very interesting to hear everyone report in from all the different regions out there. Ann, hope you have no problems with your return trip. Going with the Saints’, they have never been to the big one. I am a Cub fan, so I know that feeling all too well.
The poem matches the pictures to a tee! How do you do it Ann? Do you carry a book of poetry with you? Please don’t tell me that you have hundreds of poems memorized!!!
Currently I am dressed in many, many, many layers and I’m still cold! Brrrrrr! Hubby went to get the newspaper which was way down the bottom of our very long driveway. I dare not leave the house unless I have to…that would be tomorrow morning….for work!
Beautiful photos. I’m like Christine, I could sit on a beach forever. I often take a drive down (or up) the coast, stopping every so often to walk around in some beachy little town. I would have a hard time not living close to the beach. The ocean feeds my soul.
Sandra–are you a Pisces? I don’t put much stock in astrological stuff–but I am a Pisces and I am always drawn to water. It’s a sin that I don’t live near the ocean. Lake Erie is pretty darn gross.
I read the poem and thought of my grandfather, who circumnavigated the globe in his 50 foot sailboat in the 1950s. I think he had saltwater in his veins.
Christine (I’m so glad the pink house in Haiti survived), I read your comment and thought of my grandmother, who had a beach house in Neskowin, Oregon (she was born and raised on Long Island) and lived there in her latter years, passing at age 94.
My grandparents divorced before the round the world trip, although my mother spent many days at sea with her parents in the Pacific, and the South Seas. My mom loves the water, and speaks fondly of spending weeks on end in the ocean on the sailboat (all wood, rather small).
I am a Pisces, but I have never cared for the water, even though as a child I was on the “Landfall II” often. Go figure.
I much prefer land, even the desert, and the back of a horse to the buck and roll of the sea.
Ann, I’m not sure you’re reading the blog, but in case you are, there was an explosion at a power plant in Middletown, CT. Reports say that two people are confirmed dead, and possibly 100 injured. Horrible.
I totally screwed up my time for “Rebecca” on TCM — it is on NOW!!! I missed the first 45 minutes! I hate it when that happens!
Just heard about that natural-gas explosion in Middletown too. Noticed that it’s made the national news. A power plant was under construction — two workmen dead, others feared trapped in the rubble. Very sad.
Ann, on a happier note, thanks for more beautiful photos, and the poem. I’ve read that to look upon an expanse of water has an unexplained calming effect for most people. It works for me, anyway. I cannot think of better ingredients for a meditative or reflective moment than the sea, the sky, and the sound of the surf. (Ideally, without throngs of other people around!)
Christine W, what a wonderful story about the pink house by the beach. That’s almost magical. What a lovely gesture in honor of your grandmother. Thanks for sharing that.
Christine, I am an Aquarius. I have always loved water, especially the ocean. I live about 20 minutes from the beach. I used to go to the beach all the time to sunbathe, but now I lather up with sunscreen when outdoors, and stay out of swimsuits (not a good look for me any more).
I prefer to walk along the beach, or even drive along the coast. It’s where I go to renew my spirit, and feel truly blessed to live near the Pacific Ocean.
Mary Lynn, your story did remind me that I do get seasick–I would not have lasted 1 minute with your grandfather (Wow on his sailing!). I guess I am drawn to the water in a visual way, watching it and hearing it. It is so calming to me. Watching it from land is much better for me. I went on a cruise and I could not even look at the water for the first few days. I sat on my balcony with my eyes shut. Even looking at a pool can calm me down. Don’t even get me started on rain. Oh my God, I love it!
Sandra, I may show up on your doorstep…
And thank you all for your kind words about our Haitian Pink House. We were so relieved to hear that it was ok along with the family.
So sad to hear of the tragedy in CT . . .
I really enjoyed “Rebecca” on film, it was mesmerizing. Now I know what that vintage silk lingerie bag I have is for, to hold a sheer delicate nightgown, and lay on my pillow.
Such mastery from Hitchcock — black and white can be even more gorgeous than color sometimes, and this movie is a wonderful example of that.
Joan Fontaine is so beautiful, and George Sanders the perfect scoundrel. Of course I was reminded of his turn as Addison DeWitt in “All About Eve”. I am a girl who “reads book reviews like they were books”, and I admit, I’ve only made a crack in “Rebecca” the novel. Still seeing the movie will not keep me from reading it. I think I saw “Lolita” before I read the book, and one doesn’t diminish the other.
So now it is “Wuthering Heights” and yes, Sir Larry as Heathcliff is so dashing.
Christine, I’ve never been seasick, but I was often frightened on the sailboat.
My grandfather (we called him “Grandfather Holcomb”, to most he was “Skipper”) loved to sing the Titanic song with me on his knee — “it was sad, oh lord it was sad, it was sad when that great ship went down to the bottom of the — husbands and wives, little bitty children (he would shake me up and down at this part) lost their lives, it was sad when that great ship went down!” Of course everyone laughed — except me!
Tks, Ann – LOVE the poem! I find it erotic, not sad. Maybe I’m twisted? ML -wowser on your grandfather!!! and Christine, wonderful story about the Pink Haitian House. I’m a
Pisces too & love the water. We have the mighty James River running through the city, but the ocean is where I long to be.
I’ve got Rebecca waiting on my trusty DVR. I finished the book last night. Looking forward to the chat.
Ann – Beautiful photos, especially the sunrise. I LOVE this poem. Where is your arsenal of poems, and how do you come up with such wonderful poems that reflect or enhance the photos – amazing! Enjoy the rest of your stay in FL.
Christine W. – how lovely that your family built a home in Haiti in your grandmother’s memory.
I’m with all you beach/ocean lovers. I’m never happier or more tranquil than when I’m near the ocean. I, too, feel blessed to have the ocean very close by.
Sandra – where do you live? I’m in Sausalito.
Linda S.
Linda, I’m in Anaheim, not far from Huntington Beach. My favorite beach town is Cambria, though. I love the central coast. But really, when it comes to the ocean, I am not picky. As long as I can see and hear the waves crashing on the shore, I am happy.
Speaking of beaches, while Denis watched Super Bowl, Dev and I watched the movie The Cove, which we had put off watching since it came out because it was too depressing. Now we have vowed to never eat any mammals again. We are destroyed by what we saw. Seriously. I have read all the studies about how bad all the swimming with dolphin programs at resorts are (dolphins so stressed that they don’t reproduce, die, etc) but to see the real horror you have to watch this film. Ugggggg. I feel so sick right now. I have never swum with or touched a dolphin but went to Sea World once as a teenager and when I told my daughter that, she looked at me like I had helped stone a person to death.
Please don’t swim with the dolphins. They’re not smiling. It’s the way their faces are formed.
Ann! You’re killing me — I couldn’t bring myself to watch that doc either, and now you have confirmed my worst fears and horrors.
I remember years ago, when my daughter was little, we watched an “educational” film at the Natural History museum in New York, about overfishing the planet. In one scene, they pulled the fishing nets up and all of these dolphins were caught, and flailing in the air — suffering, and dying.
I had to leave the little auditorium as I was practically in hysterics. Not a good place to be when you are the one hosting the playdate!
But I am moving closer to being a complete vegetarian. If it doesn’t come from a plant — I’m gonna think twice about eating it.
Hope the air in Florida feels as good as it looks! Take good care.
xoxox
Love,
V
I don’t think I’ll be watching “The Cove” anytime soon. I’ll take your word for it, Ann. That kind of stuff haunts me if I watch it.
Ann, What does it mean to “never eat mammals again”? — as in vegetarian? . . . or, would you eat birds and fish? I eat very little meat, probably too much dairy . . . I struggle with the relationships between people and animals, constantly.
Even though I have owned, and loved, and cared for horses — I have even struggled with the notion of riding them, and keeping them as pets and/or beasts of burden. I don’t like to see dogs or cats kill prey, and I don’t like to think about the animals that suffered so that they may eat (i.e. opening a can of wet pet food.) It is all very, very complicated.
I have shown Goats, Horses, Sheep, Swine, Dairy and Beef Cattle at the County, and even State Fair, and I am not exactly naive when it comes to the cycle of life, animal husbandry, and our assertion on the food chain.
I will say this though, after breeding my dear sweet doe (French Alpine Dairy Goat), and milking her — I gave up drinking milk entirely. My grandfather said that we are the only animals that drink milk after weaning, and he really had a point there.
Maybe I’m delving too deep into the subject . . . but I could easily give up eating any sort of animal product, partly out of economics (I’m so poor I can rarely afford buying hunks of meat out of the butcher case, and when I do it is always a luxury), and partly from a sense of kindness to our fellow creatures, and partly from the health aspects.
But hey, how ’bout that Superbowl??? I won $100 on my square, I had Colts 7, and Saints 6, for the 17-16 score for the 3rd quarter. So great to see the Saints go for it, and pull out the win after lagging in the first half.
I was watching “8 1/2″ most of the time, there is a line near the end of “8 1/2″ about emerging from the void and returning to the void which reminded me of the poem.
Hey Vennie — Isn’t it the truth? Try to eat food that comes from a plant (vegetable), as opposed to a plant (mechanical). Processed food is killing us.
I applaud New York state for calling for a reduction in sodium from processed food — it is a step in the right direction.
Ann I will watch that film. I had told my mother at 5 years old i would never eat a mammal again and at 44 I have kept to my word…. I just cannot do it, the thought of putting something in my mouth that once lived makes me queasy and so ill…. My husband loves meat and i cook it for him ..my 2 older girls will eat a little chicken but my 9 year old… pure veggie like me and has been since she was old enough to tell me.. She is Obsessed with animals…..
I wondered if it was a leo thing.. her birthday is the 9th august mine is the 18th august…( yes yes I know ….share my birthday with Denis….. lol) how about you other leo’s??
Beautiful photos…wish I was near the sun with temps above 60.Snow Wed. “not sure how the storm will track” metorologist speak for we don’t know…Think I’ll pack an overnight bag, just in case. Worked yesterday,No TCM,Superbowl,checking the blog…catching up now. Enjoy Leary Family.
Mess in Middleton, CT Called in cadaver dogs overnight…so sad.
Bev I’m a Leo also..July 28…We do have alot of Leo’s on the blog.
Everybody have a great one.. for those of you in this end of the world STAY WARM!!!
Bev, Leo here, too. Aug. 18th!
Bev, another fellow Leo (August 11th)!
I struggle mightily with eating meat. Now by meat I mean beef, lamb, pork…not really poultry or fish. I don’t know why. Perhaps because I had a horrid experience house-sitting chickens so I lost some major respect for them. (I seriously learned the meaning of the phrase “pecking order” since the owners had introduced new chickens just days before I took care of them. Bloodbath was more like it.)
Given a choice, I’ll always buy poultry even if a recipe calls for beef. Sometimes Matt doesn’t even notice! Now, whole grain pasta, THAT he notices…and complains nonstop about!
Anyway, I do attempt to incorporate more veggie meals as I can, but I’m not quite sure I can make the departure into total vegetarianism.
Dairy, I would keel over if I couldn’t have that. I live for cheese. And ice cream.
I did do a dolphin swim on our honeymoon…however, it was an open ocean swim with wild dolphins (which meant we might see them, might not). I actually got up close and personal with one and it was an incredible experience, but they were there of their own free will. I think that’s what made it so extraordinary for us.
I don’t know that I could watch “The Cove” — “haunted” is the perfect word, Amanda — but I’ve heard about it and my God, I had no idea anything like this was happening. Here is info on the film and an interview with the filmmakers on Salon.com, for those who are interested:
http://www.salon.com/ent/movies/btm/feature/2009/01/22/dolphins_sundance/
How amazing that these people literally risked their lives to get this story out — it seems what they did is already making a difference. I hope it continues to do so. It sounds like the International Whaling Commission is an ineffectual entity. I hope that changes too. Thanks for drawing this to our attention, Ann.
I cannot even go there. It upsets me too much. Barbaric. I honestly do believe that no wonder why life on other planets probably shun communicating with us.
Off topic again,as usual..but at least partly thanks to the Leary family I actually finished the NYTimes crossword puzzle yesterday! DL AND Frank McCourt in clues. This, for me, is exciting…sad, I know.
I guess you really know you’ve made it when you’re a clue/answer in the NYT crossword!
My sister gave up beef when she was driving next to a cattle truck and saw them crammed in there with their noses sticking out the sides. Something about that made her swear off red meat. I know I should but I enjoy an occasional juicy filet and a glass of cab on a cold winter’s night at a nice restaurant too much.
So funny about the Times puzzle. We found the rest of the puzzle very difficult yesterday, but we knew the answer to number 10 Down!
Can’t believe how many Leos amongst us.
Wow, so many topics covered in the last two days. I was off the computer all weekend…reading Rebecca.
Aislinn, your Zumba post from Saturday…hilarious!
Christine W. – very cool about the pink house on the beach in Haiti.
KC – “untz untz untz” is cracking me up!
Sandra – I’m having a deja vu moment here about Cambria. Have we talked before about it. It’s my favorite place on the planet!
Ann – I look at your Florida pics and, much like KC’s romantic memories with her hubby, it brings up such fond memories for me…of my Rick Springfield cruise. Sigh.
Also, I’m impressed you were able to watch The Cove. I just can’t do it. But all of this talk today has made me re-think the vegetarian thing.
Wow – surrounded by Leos! KC – I should have known by the mane of glorious blonde hair!!!
Wow, it is interesting how many Leos are here, isn’t it?
Catherine, I think we talked before about Cambria. A few months ago, I posted that I was having a Girls and their Wheatens weekend in Cambria. I love it there, too. It’s a 4-hour drive for me, but it’s mostly along the coast, once you get out of Los Angeles. I always stay at Cambria Shores Inn, a very dog friendly place right across from the ocean. It’s my little bit of heaven, and I always return home feeling renewed.
Another Leo checking in with 8/21 and I have to tell the truth, I love a good hamburger. Does anyone know if The Cove can be rented? Never heard of it before now.
After all this talk of beaches, I’m going to Cambria!
I would never swim with the dolphins, after what I’ve read about how stressed they get. I had an opportunity to do so while in the Bahamas a few years ago. Thankfully, I was educated about the abuse back then, and stayed ashore. The other option was shark feeding. Now, who the heck thought that might be a lucrative tourist attraction?
I didn’t think I could bear watching “The Cove.” I LOVE dolphins. One of my dreams is to be in the ocean close to a dolphin (in its own habitat). What makes this difficult for me is that I can’t swim. I haven’t given up hope. Just need to find the right place and maybe wear a flotation device (ugh!) I would sooner die than experience a dolphin in captivity. You are so right, Ann – THEY ARE NOT SMILING!
KC – where did you have your ocean dolphin encounter?
I applaud all you vegetarians. I eat very little meat anymore but can’t seem to give it up entirely. I’m trying.
Linda S.
I’m going to break the Leo chain. I’m a Taurus,anybody else? We are an earth sign; stubborn, determined bulls.
: )
The Cove is available on DVD. You can get it from Netflix. Thank you, Ann, for bringing this to our attention
Annie: close but no cigar – Aries here (April).
Annie, I’m a Scorpio, but my mom is a Taurus…stubborn is right!
Kim, I’m missing Tracy, haven’t seen any posts by her in a while. Hope all is well with her.
Yep, another Taurus here. I prefer the word “tenacious”, rather than “stubborn. Also, please note, Taureans are earthy, sensual people who enjoy earthy, sensual things such as good wine, food, and….ahem.
Catherine, I’m a Scorpio too, although I’m not sure what that means. When I was a young, foolish teen, I used to buy these star sign compatibility guides, and follow them to the letter. I wasn’t supposed to date men who were Aries, Aquarius, or Scorpio. Every time I got dumped, I blamed it on the stars. Now I blame it on their wives. Just kidding.
Ha, pleased to meet you , Paula, feel like I know you. We have a lot of common sense too.
Annie: I’m quite sure she would be happy to hear from you if you email her.
Ok, thanks, Kim.
Aislinn, no wonder I like your sense of humor…Scorpios are funny (and lots of other things!)
I’m a Taurus…..
I always did love that word tenaciuos. It’s a good word. Some words are better than others. Maybe Tracy is buried in all the snow, speaking of which Chicago is suppose to get clobbered tommorrow into Wednesday. Here’s hoping it is not too bad, and thanks for the info about The Cove being available to rent.
Courtney, I wish I knew what being a Taurus meant. Isn’t the symbol a ram? That’s all I know.
Catherine, I think we Scorpios are supposed to be quite the vixens. Let’s ask Rick Springfield.
Aislinn, lol. Love the word vixen!
Aislinn, no, we’re bulls, that’s what our symbol is.
Hey, Courtney, welcome to the “Tenacious Taureans”
: )
Ais: I’m the ram – and I’m always ramming into something usually with my head.
Another Taurus here. (Stubborn? Who, me?) And a full-fledged carnivore. (Sorry, I can’t be simply wonderful ALL the time….) But I eat far less red meat than I did years ago, preferring to dine on chicken or fish. And more veggies, too.
As for beaches, I grew up in Rhode Island which, although it’s the smallest state, actually has about 400 miles of coastline! So going to the beach during the summer was almost an imperative. And as an adult, one of my most memorable trips was a two-day drive from Los Angeles to San Francisco along the Pacific Coast Highway, with overnight stays in San Luis Obispo and Pacific Grove. All along the coast, the views were breathtaking, and the beaches unforgettable. I’m definitely a little envious of those of you who live along the California coast!
Rhode Island is so beautiful. Now Alan – would you truly trade California over CT even now knowing that in 48 hours we have potentially 18-24 inches of snow on its way? Think first before making an a foolish decision.
Its been a hard day – forgive my grammatical errors.
Oh good, Alan, another down to earth, practical person.
I agree about the beauty of the Ca and the Oregon coast too. The beauty was overwhelming when I first saw it. I say it far surpasses our Atlantic coastline.
Geez…ram, bull, lion, goat. I can’t keep track. Now, crab, that’s a sign I can related to.
Alan, I took the same drive you did out in California. Beautiful. I love the west coast. My father lives in British Columbia, and he tells me that the snow making machines are in overdrive out there. I hope they get a wallop before the Olympics. It must be pretty stressful.
Dear Ann:
They have me studying POEMS now… (no comment
)
And, have time to ‘meself’ now in the evenings after class… cut down that public transport commute by 2/3 BUT in the process, I got to know two areas of interest to me. Been hard. I have written, but not here, what it took.
So I do not forget… kind of a thing.
The train the Starlight or the Coast something or other run from Washington to San Diego. That is the kind of train I like, the put put put kind… nicely to the ground, with the gravity bit on my side – do not like that on my body, but love it on a train. You can look out the window… you can lay down and snooze, you can get up and have coffee or eat or go visit if someone out there of interest, AND you get to see the ocean pretty much from Santa Barbara all the way to San Diego… (I get off at LAX). I like that…. I had forgotten about that.
The beach thing (or syndrome) is that it makes you extremely aware of your appearance nekkid….and therefore there are lots of people involved with themselves. You see lots of beautiful people here. And they all wear makeup!!!.
Back to the beaches… I am very familiar with Carmel, California !! where I practically lived as my then boyfriend (also a pilot)(besides owning a real estate school) lived. I would take off thrusdays to tuesdays!! and sold real estate in between….and just felt comfortable in that little town. His name was Howard, and he would be ready for me as soon as I drove down, and take his ‘hon’ to the ocean, and he would drive to the beach and let me take it all in. Then over to eat at one of the local restaurants (Clint Eastwood used or still has one there) and then his lovely place. God I was spoiled!. I cannot explain the Carmel charm, but it has one. Yet, I noticed that made people very uninterested in working!. Something in the air…
My oldest son went to UCLA ( and it was my oldest son who taught me about Venice Beach)and then Shalk Institute (San Diego, reason for my knowledge and fondness to La Jolla Beach) for his PhD. Although the kid was not interested in spending time with his mother…. I went to see the beaches many times with him, and I mean La Jolla, as that is where he lived!.
When he graduated, his younger brother was already in Chicago, his dad was busy with one of his girlfriends, and it was him and I that spent two days together, puttering about and looking for shells!!. Serious. At La Jolla, that is.
It is a weird thing, as when I think about housing, I first position it near the ocean.
Los Angeles is some 50 miles across…. there is plenty of concrete and fluorescent lighting… I just try to focus on the neat stuff.
Does anyone follow the Chinese Zodiac? I’ve found the compatibility chart to be very interesting . . . I fit my profile to a tea.
The Cali (and Oregon) coast is beautiful, even from the air . . . I once started tearing up on a Southwest flight from Oakland to San Diego.
Ann, are you going to view “Food, Inc.”?
I have a meat story (don’t worry, this is one for the carnivores). . . my parents used to have a few acres bordering a dairy farm, a beef farm, and other small parcels which were sort of backyard mini-farms. To keep the grass down, they would host neighbors animals from time to time . . . sheep, a horse, goats, or a couple of steers.
This was Northern California in Sonoma County (“the Wine Country”, though when we got there it was still just “the Country”), and it was a real mix of hippies, farmers, ranchers, cowboys, and rednecks.
Anyways, I was home visiting and Mom had some pot roast sitting in the oven. I was a little dubious as I’m not a huge pot roast fan, and it had been in there for quite a while, but she assured me it was delicious and I should have some. Well, it was the best meat I had ever eaten, unbelievably tender, juicy and flavorful.
I asked where she had gotten it, and she pointed out to the field. The neighbors had butchered the steers that were grazing on our land and shared the bounty.
I’d observed these animals and they were indeed happy cows (well, steers), they roamed the fields without a care in the world. They were most likely killed right out there, a quick shot and it was over, they never saw it coming, no stress whatsoever.
The moral of the story is that factory farming is bad, and produces unhappy animals with lots of adrenaline in their carcasses come slaughter-time. If you ever get the chance to eat meat that did nothing more but graze, and lay in the California sunshine, before very discreetly meeting their demise, do it. Pay whatever it costs. It is worth it.
Gemini here…..fits me very well….
OH….don’t get me started about Rick Springfield Aislinn! You should see my diary from my 13th year in life! Ha! I like being part of the “Tenacious Tureans”
.. we can help you hide your monkey at the rehab..
http://www.denisleary.com/
I’ve been looking to see what is DL up to, cannot find anything
, but I refound this one.
Ok. I will not do this ever again.
But, how come I did not read this bit before?
I hope you enjoy this as much as I have.
8 Things Not to Talk About During the Super Bowl
By Denis Leary
Other Men’s Asses
We don’t want to hear about them. Not a single one. Not the ass of Tom Brady. Not the ass of Reggie Bush. Strange as it may seem, we don’t look at other mens rear ends. Not even the tight end’s end, whether it be tight or fat or anything in between. So if some player’s backside begins to strike your fancy during the game, please keep it to yourself. Because I can almost guarantee that any conversation involving Tom Brady’s butt or the derriere of Reggie Bush will only lead down a road I like to call the Celebrity Ass Worship Extravaganza, which for almost every single heterosexual man on this planet includes detailed and numerous discussions about just how fantastic Giselle Bündchen’s ass looks from absolutely every angle and the walking spectacle that is the keister of Kim Kardashian.
The Cheerleaders
We are aware—down deep—that they know nothing about football. We know that as they leap and tumble and toss their little tushes to and fro, it’s not because their team just intercepted an opposing pass on third and goal in the red zone. It’s because someone standing inches off-camera pointed at them and said, “Go!” We are fully cognizant that they may be only two pompoms and a trumped-up aerobics audition away from serving hot wings in a tight white Hooters T-shirt. Please don’t ruin it by pointing out such salient information. We get it. We just don’t want to think about that right now. We just want to watch the dancing cleavage for a few seconds in between big plays. If the networks would allow strippers on the sidelines, we wouldn’t be watching the football game at all. Which is why the cheerleaders don’t take their clothes off. Or talk.
Curtains
Please do not discuss the curtains and which new curtains you are thinking of getting or the carpet or the new carpet you’re considering or new chairs or new coffee tables or lamps or bathroom fixtures or tiles or sconces of any kind. We don’t care about them on a REGULAR football day, never mind Super Bowl Sunday. We don’t even know what sconces are. Sounds like some kind of breakfast thing to most of us. Something like a muffin, only harder. You say sconce, we think butter.
Wine and Cheese
Not today. No wine, no brie, no grapes, no table water crackers, no crudité. It’s football. It’s beer, booze and beef. Steak and cheese. Beer and Cheez-Its. Cheetos and fried chicken. Pork sausage and potato chips. REAL potato chips. Not baked. No apple slices arrayed on large serving platters with a celery stick section and a little baby carrot area located right next to a petite plastic half-pint container of real Israeli hummus. We want meat. Big, hot, red chunks of meat. And cold beer. Lots and lots of cold beer. Remember: We’re morons. Watching a bunch of other morons try to catch a ball made out of a dead cow. Do you really wanna waste your Bordeaux or imported fromage on us? No. Fromage means cheese, right? Or is it a French car? Shoot. I think it’s a car. I love French stuff. Mmmm, french fries. Let’s get some french fries for the game.
Frenemies
We don’t want to listen as you dissect your love/hate relationships with Jenny the Bitch from Accounting, who dresses like a whore and trash talks about all of you behind your backs but who you still stay friends with because of some insane female DNA dollop that requires you to talk unendingly about how much Botox she has had injected into her forehead and how much smaller her tits used to be and how you plan on never talking to her again only to invite her and her human tool of a husband over for dinner next week out of a sick and twisted desire to remain her friend in order to feel more superior about yourselves. We get that. We’ve already wasted countless hours—not to mention brain cells and really good cold beer—talking to the aforementioned hammerhead she married during previous coupled-up appointments. It’s one of the prices we pay for being with you. But right now, the only bitch we want to talk about is the one playing quarterback for our favorite team. The one who threw three interceptions last week because he’s afraid of getting hit. I’d like to Botox HIS face if we don’t win this game.
Other Men’s Arms
We know football players have huge arms. They are muscled and massive and bulging and, well, just plain big. We know you love arms that look like that. Here’s a headline for you though: We are never going to have arms that size. Ever. Never ever. Not if we buy new furniture twice a week and move it in ourselves. Not if we take the couch we are currently sitting on and just maneuver it around the room six or seven times a day. Not even if we take the trash out every single hour for 67 straight days. We will never have those football player size arms. So stop ogling them. Or ogle them without mentioning how much ogling of them you are currently involved with to us.
And pass the potato chips.
And the sour cream dip.
And the fried pork rinds please.
The Rules
They are very, very complicated. And it will take a very very long time to explain them. And the time to explain them is not during the most important game of the year. So let me break it down to the absolute most basic of all basics for you: Our team is good. The other team is evil. The point of the game is for our team to beat the living daylights out of the other team. Anything our team does—kicking, biting, punching, stomping—should be legal. Everything the other team does should be totally against the law. That’s really all you need to know.
Oprah
We love Oprah as much as you do. We really do. She keeps you busy. She makes you read really large and long and involved books about self-help and self-discovery and Jesus and the civil rights movement—which lets US read really short and stupid ones about Joe Namath and Vince Lombardi and golf and the history of helmets. But please let’s not talk about Oprah today. Please? Just for like—four hours? Please? We promise to take out the trash and move furniture and even learn what a sconce is. Please?
Ninth Bonus Thing: The Who
Men love The Who. They’re playing the halftime show. Please don’t talk about how old they are or how heavy Roger Daltrey looks or how bald Pete Townshend is or how half of the original four members are dead and buried. We just wanna sing along and play air guitar windmills and pretend Keith Moon is alive and still playing drums and John Entwistle didn’t die in a Vegas hotel room with a couple of strippers. God how he would have loved those cheerleaders.
I just talked to my best friend on the phone (we haven’t spoken for about a week) and the Superbowl did come up. So we compared notes.
We didn’t talk about men’s asses, or their arms, curtains, Oprah, the rules (I know them), or frenemies, but we had a good long laugh over “the Who” — I mean WTF!!!
It was so embarassing, we just couldn’t watch. I turned back to “8 1/2″, and she turned back to her Lifetime movie, and we both checked back numerous times, but it was so bad we just couldn’t bear it.
Hey, I’m a Who fan — I’m a BIG Who fan (of their early work — or I was — anyways) “Can’t Explain” was the FIRST SONG I EVER LEARNED ON GUITAR!!! And yes, in my day I could do a mean windmill. But I’m old now, and Pete Townsend is older (and fat?!) . . . and I don’t think I have ever had to avert my gaze from a Superbowl halftime, but yesterday history was made.
I read the reviews today, and mostly they were kind — they must have been written by men!
Whoops, I thought the Who were great. Songs had a different twist but were well executed and thank gawd Townsend is still nuts. (caught him earlier in the show.) They looked healthy and wealthy and sharp. I went beserk over the lighting structure. It must have been amazing in person. Just think, someplace in the world every day on TV, a Who song is playing thanks to CSI. Oh baby, royalties.
Kristen, I don’t watch CSI — but I guess I get the CBS/CSI/Who connection . . . between that and all the NCIS commercials CBS definitely got their money’s worth. I’ve never been one to begrudge anyone royalties. . . and I should cut them some slack — after all, I guess I learned my power chords from the best.
Still, for me it was too painful, and I kept thinking this is what is going to happen to Dave Grohl (of the Foo Fighters) in 25 years.
Hey, you’re talkin’ ’bout my ge-ge-ge-generation.
Two words: Baba O’Riley.
Alan, who are you? who? who? who? who?
Aislin, It sounds like you really want to know.
Alan and Aislinn – such cards those two.
Colleen, LOL!!!
It’s like a teenaged wasteland around here!
I loved the Who’s half-time show, my teenage son hated it. He said “that lead singer is OLD and he can’t sing very well” and I said “it’s rock-n-roll, baby!”….somehow it seems like that should have been the other way around.
Lupe, when I started reading your post, I guess I missed Denis’s name, so I thought you had created this rant and I was roaring with laughter, thinking that you’re in mighty rare form today! Then I saw it was the piece Denis wrote. I think he wrote it for Oprah.com or O magazine or something. Very funny.
Don’t hate me but…
Both my hubby and I wondered why the past few years had geriatric acts on for the Superbowl! Thanks a lot, Janet Jackson.
I will say, I love Teenage Wasteland, but the rest of it I felt I was in a guacamole wasteland and left to make more. The guitarist was pretty damn good….I wonder if he has arthritis?
Bruce Springsteen wasn’t bad last year, the only reason I remember him was because he slid on the stage on his knees and his crotch rammed right into the camera. Ouch!
Going back to the brunch of my life…
Speaking of old stuff, I did catch Rebecca and loved that it was filmed before my parents were born! I was struck by the fact that the actors were so beautiful, but not in an “in your face” way – they were just naturally incredibly beautiful people. And Mrs Danvers wasn’t at all what I pictured in my head when I read the book. I pictured her older. But compared to the celebs we have today, the beauty of yesteryear was just mindblowing to me.
Don’t fret K.C. – Great music but Pete’s a little rough on the eyes. I did not see one iota of the Super Bowl. I should have at least dvr’d it for half-time and of course the fantastic commercials.
My favorite was the Google commercial. Very clever.
Courtney, re: Rick Springfield…you should see my diary too…from November – ha! Now HE would have made a great half time show!
Lupe, thanks for posting DL’s piece about the Super Bowl. Hilarious!
Aislinn and Alan – you could have your own show…”The Vixen and the Bull” (get it? Scorpio and Tauran?)
I’m just cracking myself up today. Too much coffee.
I need help, Colleen, Ann, Uncle Sul, Aislinn: What is James Joyce talking about in relation to “Pisgah”? I have googled the term but I still don’t get it? But I did find out there is a Pisgah Pale Ale out there, ha. This termed is dropped several times and I just don’t get it, hope i am not embrassing myself here.
Beautiful photos, Ann…..Hope you are having a great time!!
Superbowl was good, was actually rooting for Colts, but I like Drew Brees too…
My two favorite commercials were the Bears one and the little boy that slapped the guy for looking at his mom and eating his doritos!!!
My family are avid 49er fans except my son, who is a BIG Bears fan, according to my son, I have to be a Bears fan but I tend to favor New England also….
Growing up I went to many 49er games with my parents, my dad used to get season tickets….
Lupe-Great post! Very funny!
Oh Ann, I thought I was in trouble and would have to go in the corner with Holly, for misbehaving (the long post).
Somebody posted, it was Julia, I think, why does Denis NOT comment on Monday night football….. (On Facebook). I posted it there too!!.
And by the way, there seems to be two minarets, one on each side, in the sun on the sunset picture.
I have an exam tomorrow on how to analyze a poem….. and God Help Lupe.
Candy, I’ve never heard the word Pisgah before, and as far as I know, it is not an Irish word for anything. It’s a Hebrew word for “high place.” I just googled that, actually. Alan, care to chime in?
Lupe, is that what you call those marks? I couldn’t figure out what they were or what caused them, nor could I photoshop them out.
KC, I watched Rebecca last night & so agree about the beauty of the actors. Before Botox. and other enhancements. I liked the little changes from the book that were made for the movie. God, Laurence Olivier was gorgeous.
Thanks for the Leary rant, Lupe.
Candy, I’d vote for the Pisgah Pale Ale. Joyce might make more sense after a few.
The one “Pisgah” reference I remember looking up was for “A Pisgah Sight of Palestine or the Parable of The Plums.” Here’s what I found (it could be all wrong, but I found it so I went with it). “A Pisgah Sight of Palestine” is the title of a book written by a guy named Thomas Fuller. Fuller wrote the book to offer a geography of the Holy Land. In Ulysses, Stephen and his professor are quipping over a title for a poem/piece of writing. Stephen offers a name—“A Pisgah Sight of Palestine” as a suggestion and then another possible name “or the Parable of The Plums.” This plums reference is a kind of joke, if I’m remembering my Catholicism correctly. Jesus used to use parables to teach. Plums in Christian art are symbols of independence and fidelity. So, the combined titles for the Holy Land Stephen suggests are meant to be funny: teach people that the Holy Land is a place where there’s a lot of independence and fidelity.
I was feeling really guilty about coming down so hard on the Who, but KC I totally agree, what is with the geriatric acts? I totally understand the CBS tie in with CSI and the Who songs and all, but why give them 15 minutes to um, suck?
Rock ‘n Roll is a young man or woman’s game. I was in a rock band, and I could sling my big ole Jazzmaster in four inch stilettos and dance around, and basically tear it up. I could . . . and “I coulda been a contenda, I coulda been somebody!”
But that was then . . . honestly I never had much talent, but I tried to make up for it in attitude and energy. I did find an awesome lead singer for the band, and he was really something.
And this is now . . . the singer should have been a huge rock star, and he became pretty popular around the Bay Area, I remember Courtney Love had her eye on him, but it was not to be. Now he is old and fat, and a dad, and just a regular sort of guy. Sigh. I don’t mind getting old myself, but it is really hard to watch a Rock God fade.
What I find amusing is that kids are still listening the music I cut my teeth on — I see young Punks running around, and I can tell them about seeing Flipper, or the Ramones, or the Clash, or the Dead Kennedys in dingy clubs and they think that is really cool. But, I’m not kidding myself, I’m old.
Pop and Country, even R&B can be forgiving to a seasoned artist, but Rock ‘n Roll — nope — it is a teenage wasteland.
Mary Lynn, thanks for your dead-on insights about “Rock ‘n’ Roll Confidential.” As a wise man once observed, “If it’s too loud, you’re too old.” These days, it’s often too loud for me….
(Back in 1977 – or was it 1978? – I saw Talking Heads in a dingy little club in Willimantic. CT. Then they got big. And then they got HUGE!)
Loved the “Ninth Bonus Thing: The Who!”
Alan, back in the day the singer of the band thought I should dress like Joan Jett — now I tend to channel Granny Clampett from the Beverly Hillbillies — I think it is a good look for me!
Irene Ryan had spunk!
I remember seeing R.E.M. on their first tour in a dingy club, and there was nobody there. After the opening act (a ska band which included a horn section from Berkeley High) finished most of the kids left, and there was maybe 20 people in the place, tops. R.E.M. was good though — they were young and so was I.