The sleeves? Both fashionable and a short-term housing solution
Twenty-one years ago today, Denis and I were married. In honor of our wedding anniversary, I am offering a little relationship quiz. Why not take it to learn more about your own relationship savvy?
1) Denis and I started dating when I was 20 and Denis 25. Considering the fact that I’m now roughly 40 years of age and we lived together for six years before we married, how long have we been together?
a. 41 years
b. Four score and seven years
c. Who’s counting? Every minute with you must seem like an hour; every hour like a day; every day …wait, I’m not sure …I think I meant the opposite.
d. “Roughly 40,” my ass
e. Who cares, let’s get on with the so-called “relationship quiz.”
2) In order to keep a relationship passionate for more than a few years, it is necessary to have the following:
a. Reasonably good hygiene
b. A working knowledge of human anatomy
c. A vivid imagination
d. All of the above
3) Also, having a giant ________________(fill in the blank) helps.
4) Love means never having to say:
a. I’m sorry
b. I’m horny
c. Its garbage day, do I have to carry all these effing bags out myself?
d. There’s a bat on your pajamas
5) Never go to bed:
a. Happy
b. Angry
c. Without enough foodstuffs
d. Dressed as a nurse. Weird how all guys think they look sexy when they try to surprise you by wearing the white tights and nurse shoes to bed. (Right? Hello? Anybody?)
6) Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship. Disputes are best resolved:
a. By acknowledging, immediately, that your wife/girlfriend is right
b. By pretending she’s wrong at first, to give her the joy of a good rant-fest. Then humbly admitting that she’s right.
c. By tuning in and turning on (not to acid, silly, to any televised sports event)
7) You wife’s idea of the dream husband is:
a. Don Draper
b. Really, I’m serious
c. I know he’s a cad
d. You’ll have to trust me on this
8) Your husband’s idea of the dream wife is:
a. Madonna
b. No, not the one who sings, the other one
c. Jessica Simpson
d. Florence Henderson
e. His mother
f. Seriously, I have no idea
9) Laughter is the best:
a. Medicine
b. Aphrodisiac
c. Emasculating weapon
d. Response to the question, “How much did that cost?”
e. All of the above
10) After twenty-odd years together, we still:
a) Hide the last Haagan-Daz bar from each other
b) Try really hard not to laugh at the other unless appropriate
c) Don’t know where the remote is. Ever
d) Help curb each other’s narcissism/enthusiasm
e) Look like we’re blood kin
f) All of the above
I have no idea how the smiley icon came to replace the number 8. I’ve never used a smiley icon and had hoped to never have to use one, but can’t seem to replace it with the number 8. Any help appreciated.
Also, does it look like I have a really high forehead in the picture above? Like I’m balding? Because I have other pictures.
I don’t know what’s funnier: the quiz or your own metacomment. I do know that there’s nothing more pathetic than me: FIRST TO COMMENT FOR REAL. THAT’S HOW DESPERATE I’VE BEEN FOR YOUR HILARITY. [waving franticalllllly!!!!!]
I passed the test! Though I cheated.
Laughed all the way through reading it.
Though I think I’m more of a George Clooney type of gal.
Nope. You look wonderful in the picture. But to further set your mind at ease, have learned that a really high forehead means someone with a lot of brains!
So cute! I’ll answer the quiz later.
Happy anniversary Ann & Denis. The years have flown by, but with great results. Seems like yesterday the kids were running around the house staging plays and now they’re off. Jack & Dev are great people because of the great example of two great parents. Enjoy your day!
That was brilliantly funny. And easily the best quiz possible.
I believe it’s called “windblown”. Photographers pay a small fortune to get that look.
Happy Anniversary to Ann and Denis. I enjoyed this funny post!
I’m printing this and putting it on the fridge, which is usually a no magnet zone. Now everybody in the house can laugh. Hysterical, especially #7. THere is just something about Don. Happy Anniversary. and what a deal, getting all the birthdays and anniversay done in what, two-three weeks? Nice work.
Ann, happy anniversary! 21 means you won’t get carded anymore when being asked how long you’ve been married. Did that make any sense at all?
Laura Zigman, we share the same birthday!
Ok, here we go. I don’t have to teach a lesson until 7 PM so I’ve got some time to do this!
1. C – because I cannot do math to save my life, and my calculator is out of reach.
2. D. Definitely D.
3. Ford Truck/ Dodge Durango (because we can afford it) and Kingston 2 horse trailer. My needs are simple.
4. B. What woman ever has to say that?
5. C. Matt wolfs down half a box of cereal before bed, without fail. But D – LOL.
6. B. Such as life in our house.
7. Who is Don Draper?
8. C. Or Kiera Knightly, the english accent does him in. Bev may have to stand in for me on a date one evening…
9. D!!! This is especially poignant because of your advice, Ann, over the auction item I wanted to bid on at the Young Writer’s event! “I’ve been married for 20 years, I can help you sidle your way around this one…”
10. F. Can you help me hide an ice cream cake?
Ann, congrats on a fantastic marriage, and a very happy birthday too!
I love your wedding dress. So much so, I bought the same dress in pink satin with the same sleeves for my prom. Alas, it was never worn, in fact, it is still in its original box so if it was a toy — it would have doubled in value. The nuns at my high school prison rarely let us out and forbade males from entering the school making dating prospects slim. I asked the 17-year-old working at the hardware store to go and while he initially said yes, he balked at paying for formal wear rental.
Still, I am hoping this vintage fashion will allow me to recoup my IRA losses from the crash of 2008, 2009, 2010, so I am open to a bidding war. Ideal for those wanting to relive vintage fashions or remove the giant sleeves and the dress turns into something Jacqueline Kennedy would have worn before she became an Onassis.
Since I haven’t figured out how to use the new digital camera — 38-page instruction book! — Ann’s picture will have to do. Besides she looks a lot better in it than I would have. Just picture it in pink.
Happy Anniversary, Ann!!!
Brilliant.
Happy anniversary Ann and Denis!!!
Happy ANNiversary.. hysterical posts.. # 9 letter d is my favorite..
Hiding the last ice cream bar is really more for survival plus the new iPhone app you can use to control the TV, you’ll never need that remote again! Now if they can come up with one for the TiVo my life would be complete.
I hope you have a wonderful anniversary and enjoy the day together.
Happy Anniversary!
I loved the remote thing but in our house it’s the fact that we have too many remotes. We seem to have 2-3 per TV. I have no idea why. We need separate ones to turn it on and another one to change channels. And if we’re watching a movie and need to pause it, well, forget about it. We need to find the DVD remote (of course not the one that turns it on or changes channels!), turn on the brightest light in the room to see the damn thing and get our reading glasses out (“I can’t see the effing buttons!”). I think that’s why we read most nights.
Happy Anniversary Guys!!!! It’s mine on Sunday too.. though only 12 years…….. CONGRATULATIONS to you both!!!
Happy Anniversary, Mr. and Mrs. Leary!
8-b is my favorite answer. I repeat. a) Madonna. B) No, not the one who sings. The other one. HILARIOUS!
It’s no wonder you’ve lasted over twenty blissfully wonderful years. They’ve been blissful, haven’t they?
Congratulations to you both!
I have the exact same dress in pink, too, Alex. So if you get two buyers, send one my way.
I didn’t think it looked like you were balding until you mentioned it. I think it’s the glare. You just have glare-head. It happens to the best of us.
Oops! Let’s not forget. Happy Anniversary, Bev and Mark!
Ann, OK, yes, it looks like you have a really high forehead. Now do we get to see other pictures?
Happy Anniversary to you and Denis. May you have many more years together. I’m at 45, and my husband is my best friend.
hilarious!
and, no, it doesn’t look like you’re balding. you just have a fivehead.
So KC was the only one so far to attempt to answer the quiz — very interesting. I had to immediately disqualify myself because I don’t do relationships. In fact I cringe at the very word, I can’t believe I just wrote it. Ick!
A handsome cowboy did ask if he could ask me a personal question last night. I said ‘Sure!’ even though a had a very icky feeling where he was going. Sure enough, he asked me if I’ve ever been married. I gave an emphatic “No, and never will be!”, but I wish I had been really cool about it, and said this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKLizztikRk&feature=search
One of your funniest, Ann! Happy anniversary!
Happy Anniversary Ann and Denis. 21 years is very impressive, especially for couples in the entertainment industry. Using Hollywood math, I think you’ve actually been married 147 years.
Congratulations to the two of you! 21 years of marriage is a tribute to hard work and dedication, rom coms to the contrary notwithstanding.
And with youngest about to leave the nest…big changes for you!!
Ann, as an unmarried guy of many years, I found it nearly impossible to understand (let alone complete) your relationship quiz. In any case, it’s pretty funny.
Based on the longevity of your marriage to Denis (and vice versa), I’d say the secret to a successful relationship is that both partners need to have lots of love, a wicked good sense of humor, and great hair.
Congrats to ya!
Okay, I’m going to take a shot, and say the answer to number 3) is BANK ACCOUNT.
This quiz is making me examine my own phobias to marriage, co-habitating, dating, or anything remotely resembling anything more than a passing interaction with the opposite sex, or any sex for that matter.
If someone were to ask me if I identify more with, say . . . Clint Eastwood, or Marilyn Monroe — I would be totally stumped. I’m gonna have to defer to Pee Wee, once again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbQluo1gazc&feature=search
Happy Anniversary!!
I think you’ve been together around 28 years, and neither one of you have been mortally wounded by the other? That alone is something to celebrate.
And “roughly 40″?? Hhmmm…
As for the sexy nurse get-up with the white tights, etc. I think that’s something to do with marrying into an Irish family. I love the Irish family that I married into, but really, their idea of foreplay is yet another version of Danny Boy??
My husband’s perfect wife would be a mix of Laura Linney and Susan Sarandon.
Don Draper, Don Draper, Don Draper!!!
As for the picture of you two, the wedding photo makes it look like twins have just illegally married.
The more recent photo is beautiful. You don’t appear to be balding, you, Ann, appear to be beautiful.You are a gorgeous couple.
Okay, and Ann — there is a really fine line between self-deprecating and FISHING FOR COMPLIMENTS! It’s cute, but a little desperate — you’re gorgeous — GET OVER IT!!!
Here’s some pre-PEE WEE to drive the point home. Suave and Debonair. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8k1U3e3ASk&feature=related
Happy Anniversary to the beautiful Learys! Hilarious quiz!
Congratulations to such a fantastic and humorous couple! And, while reading and hearing constantly about divorces and break-ups, kudos for having such a great relationship after 27 years. Hope you have time to celebrate.
And loved the quiz.
Happy Ann-iversary to you and Denis! You both look fabulous. A friend of mine just gave me a copy of your first book, not knowing that I had read it, but thinking I would like it. She had picked it up at a yard sale here in Nova Scotia.I guess you are a famous author even here in the Maritimes.
Aislinn your a sweetheart Thankyou! I know it was Colleen and Joe’s anniversary on the 19th Aug too… Love you guys!
Helena, I’m not sure one has “arrived” when their literary work winds up at a yard sale in Nova Scotia. Was it strategically placed next to a lobster trap?
Come to think of it, didn’t some lucky fellow just find some Ansel Adams photos at a yard sale?
I think I was the only one to actually respond to the quiz because I’m still in the blissful under 5 year marriage category. Give me another few years and some kids and I’ll be whistling a different tune. Now that I’m 30 I’ve begun to hear people say, “Don’t wait TOO long before kids…” And so it begins.
Happy Anniversary to the others on the blog….Bev and Colleen! And Happy Birthday to Colleen too!
I never know what to say when someone asks how long my husband and I have been married. Because we have been married twice. To each other.
I know…we’re freaks.
Amanda, Tell us more!
Amanda that is awesome!!( shudder at the thought of marrying my first husband again hahahaha!! ) TELL US MORE!!!!!
Ok, Bev and Aislinn, you’ll be sorry you asked….
Married for 14 years, separated/divorced for 8 years, re-married for 3 years. (with no marriages to anyone else in there)
So if someone asks how long we’ve been married we usually say:
-what time is it now?
-which time?
-don’t ask/you don’t want to know/it’s a long story
Oh, and it’s fun at parties when my husband introduces me as his first wife. Laughing at ourselves really works and we never talk about who was at fault the first time around (him). We say we had an amicable divorce, it was the lawyers who didn’t get along.
Many people have Bev’s reaction (Eew) or think we’re incredibly stupid or it’s incredibly romantic. The vast majority vote stupid. Check back with me in a couple years….
Amanda i think that is great! I love it! My reaction to my first husband is ewww, if you ever met him, you would understand…. … Thanks for sharing awesome story… !
Happy Anniversary to Ann & Denis, 2 of my fave funny people!
Amanda, Wow! Eight years apart, and then reunited. I love that story. Did he go to a seminary for 8 years? Never mind. I know. He dated one of the Kardashians, and realized that you were the one after all.
So romantic.
I’d re-date only one of my exes, but I’d have to get lipo with a vac-truck before that could happen.
Last comment on the high forehead. It makes you look very regal. Elizabeth I. Remember?
Amanda, that is hilarious and cool and yet quite a roller coaster for you I imagine. And you know what? If you’re happy now, this moment, then that’s all that matters. Good for you for being a first, and second, wife!
Ais – lipo – um, where? Just keep dancing to Lady Gaga like you were on Saturday night (yes you were, I saw you, and you knew the words!), no lipo needed.
KC, LOL!
Don’t call my name.
Don’t call my name, Alejandro.
I’m not your babe.
I’m not your babe, Fernando
Ale Ale jandro. Ale Ale jandro.
or was it Bad Romance?
‘Gotta love that Chardonney.
Amanda, I have always loved the stories of couples who split and end up remarrying! SO romantic.
And Helena, I couldn’t be more thrilled that my book was at a yard sale in Nova Scotia. And how fitting! That’s where we spent our honeymoon. xo
Congrats and am wishing you many many years of happiness to come. Just love the photos you both really do look like twins.
So when do we get the answers to the quiz? One of your funniest blogs ever.
Congrats to you and Denis!!! Many more years to come!!umm is your quiz harder than the national registry??? Just wondering….
Bridget is right, glare-head is common when taking a photo in the sun. It’s hard to imagine Ann ever taking anything close to a bad photo. This is just a large highlight. If the photographer had told her to move her head a bit, it would not have shown. Few things are as unforgiving as bright sunlight when taking a photo, except maybe the fluorescent lighting in store changing rooms, which just makes you look dead.
I always marvel at how great Diane Sawyer looks on the nightly news — she is 65 after all — but then she did a interview of some fishermen by the beach during the Gulf oil spill and yikes, suddenly she aged 20 years.
Happy anniversary.
Ann, maybe Helena’s coming across your book in Nova Scotia is a sign that you and Denis should celebrate your anniversary up there. Sort of a coming full circle.
Happy, Happy Anniversary!!! Lots to celebrate in August, how wonderful.
1. 28 years
2. all of the above
3. house (keeping my answer G rated.)
4. “I can’t stand your family!!!!!”
5. angry
6. a. By acknowledging, immediately, that your wife/girlfriend is right
7. Robert Redford
8. Cindy Crawford
9. Medicine
10. are crazy about each other!
My daughter still does not understand the very, LARGE puffed sleeves on my wedding dress. You can make another dress out of them, however, at the time………..
Funniest. Post. Evah. Happy Anniverary Leary’s! Celebrated my own 16th yesterday but have known my husband for 30 years! As I am “roughly 40″ also, have known him most of my life.
I just love the Ann and Denis story–inspirational. So fantastic to see a couple so in love,so adoring of each other and so able to laugh together.
1) Denis and I started dating when I was 20 and Denis 25. Considering the fact that I’m now roughly 40 years of age and we lived together for six years before we married, how long have we been together?
Really? Is this punishment for enforced squat brutality? mATH?! Er…. 20 some odd.
2) In order to keep a relationship passionate for more than a few years, it is necessary to have the following:
d. All of the above
3) Also, having a giant porpoise helps.
4) Love means never having to say:
“it wasn’t me….” while on the bathroom floor bucknaked.
5) Never go to bed:
in feety pajamas. Bad news bears.
6) Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship. Disputes are best resolved:
Finding the best way to negotiate your spouse’s ego letting him think he’s winning. And pancakes. Who can stay mad with a chocolate chip smiley face and whipped cream hair?
7) You wife’s idea of the dream husband is:
? My dream husband. Wentworth Miller. Yessssss. Though I’m ok with the super cute construction worker navigating traffic on 67
Your husband’s idea of the dream wife is:
mmmm sadly, no hubby… but I’d guess: Betty Crocker meets Megan Fox.
9) Laughter is the best:
e. All of the above
10) After twenty-odd years together, we still:
Bwahahah you gave away the answer to number one…
f) All of the above
Congrats. and love the sleeves on your wedding dress. Seriously, you’re like Audrey Hepburn-waisted. I could put a cat collar around your midsection. xoxox