I’m back from Marblehead. Yesterday was the memorial service for my stepfather, Stephen Howe. Steve was a great man who rescued my family during a difficult time, many years ago. We’re all so sad that he’s gone.
My sister Meg remarked last week that there was never a time when somebody made the connection that she was related to Steve (even though it was through marriage), that she didn’t feel immensely proud. I know my brother and I have always felt the same way.
Steve has three sons and seven grandchildren and though I haven’t seen them much during recent years, I got to see them yesterday, and I glimpsed in each of them, a little bit of Steve. A sly smile here, a confidant stance there, and, of course, Steve’s trademark; an unbiased graciousness toward others and a sense of proper decorum, even amongst the youngest.
My stepbrother David Howe said during yesterday’s service that Steve always believed, foremost, in duty toward his family and his community. David wrote the obituary for Steve, which can be found here, and which details his military service in World War II and his life-long commitment to serving his community. David reminded us that Steve was devoted to community service long before it was a trendy thing for students to try to cram into their schedules to impress future college admissions reps. Steve served others in the most charitable way possible – he did it quietly, without expecting anything in return. He would have been embarrassed if one were to acknowledge his many kindnesses, as he rather liked to be perceived as a curmudgeon. In addition to being elected as the Marblehead Town Moderator for 43 consecutive years, he served on numerous boards and also did many, many hours of pro-bono work for people and organizations who needed legal help – again, quietly and selflessly. The one and only time Steve threatened to resign from his position residing over the town’s meetings was when there was a motion to raise his salary above $100 a year.
Steve was a lawyer in the best sense of the word, by which I mean that he truly believed in justice for all and a duty to observe and uphold the laws. He was also, in my mind, a Republican in the best sense of the word, and by this I mean that he didn’t care to make reproductive choices for women nor did he care who married whom. He just believed in small government; in a pure democracy for these United States that, if it were peopled by people who were all as conscientious toward others as Stephen Howe, would indeed be a wonderful place.
BARTER by Sara Teasdale
Life has loveliness to sell,
All beautiful and splendid things,
Blue waves whitened on a cliff,
Soaring fire that sways and sings,
And childrens’s faces looking up
Holding wonder in a cup.
Life has loveliness to sell,
Music like a curve of gold,
Scent of pine trees in the rain,
Eyes that love you, arms that hold,
And for your spirit’s still delight,
Holy thoughts that star the night.
Spend all you have for loveliness,
Buy it and never count the cost;
For one white singing hour of peace
Count many a year of strife well lost,
And for a breath of ecstacy
Give all you have been, or could be.
Ann, Very beautifully written, Your Step father sounded a wonderful man, How blessed to be touched by such a good person you all were. healing thoughts to you and your family.
It sounds like his spirit will live on in the lives of others. How lovely.
He sounds like he was a genuinely stand-up person. Your family is lucky to have had him in your lives!
Ann, I’m so sorry for your mother’s loss, and your whole family’s loss. This is such a beautiful, heartfelt tribute. It truly touched me.
So very lovely. xoxxo
Ann-
What a bittersweet weekend you have had. In the “small world” department: my father-in-law Gordon was in Steve’s class at Harvard, served in the Philippines in WWII and was a longtime camper and counselor at Camp O-At-Ka…in fact, my husband, his two brothers and my stepson are all O-At-Ka alums.
I am going to visit Gordon today and will bring the lovely tribute to your stepfather with me.
Wow, Paula, Steve LOVED Camp O-At-Ka. Amazingly small world
What a moving tribute and what an amazing poem. I’ve been thinking about the loveliness of life this afternoon while riding on the mower and cutting the grass. Couldn’t agree more. Happy birthday, Ann!
well, the world just got even smaller…Gordon Ellis (my father-in-law) immediately remembered your stepfather from their time on the Harvard baseball team, “…yep, batted left-handed, great outfielder”. He was so sorry to hear of his passing. He reminded me that HIS grandfather and father attended O-At-Ka too. I get some wonderful stories from Gordon, especially if I bake him an apple pie first.
Dear Ann, I’m so grateful that you are comfortable sharing your joys as well as your sorrows with us. It helps me remember that we’re all in this human experience together. Your step-father sounds like one in a million in the way he obviously touched so many many lives in a positive way. One couldn’t ask for more than that in this life.
May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
And rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.
I was so moved by this poem. Thank you for sharing, Ann. I am so sorry for your family’s loss. xKathy
Such a nice tribute to a great guy. I know it hurts to lose a loved one, but you have to appreciate what a long, full life he led . . . we can all only hope to do the same.
I guess I’ve been lucky not to experience any untimely deaths in my family . . . it’s all relative (no pun intended), but we can’t live forever.
I say – “The meaning of life is to live” – and that may be what ends up on my headstone.
Ann, very moving tribute and the poem is perfect. I love that you see Steve living on in his children and grandchildren. Hope your mother is buoyed up by her life with such a wonderful man. xxoos
Ann,
My parents said it was a lovely service and tribute to Steve..You are a great family and the town really loved your step-father…you may sense that at this time we really are a big clan and come together at these times.
I love the final shot of the two masted schooner. My beau Harold Burnham of Essex built it. I was telling him about your step dad and we all want to say we are thinking of you at this time. Love, Laurie F.
Ann, after reading the obituary, I can see that Stephen Howe was an incredible man. Imagine what a better world this would be if there were more people like him.
I am sure he changed many people’s lives for the better, and I believe his legacy will live on for years to come. You must have been proud to be part of his life.
I think also that your mother must be a great lady to have won this man’s heart.
Ann, it sounds like your stepfather was a wonderful and extraordinary man. Thank you so much for sharing with us a little bit about him in this moving tribute.
There’s no such thing as a small act of kindness; every act creates a ripple with no logical end.
And oh, my, the Teasdale poem is so poignantly beautiful and fitting.
So sorry for your loss to your mom and family. The poem was beautiful. You were so lucky to have such a nice man in your lives. Happy Bday too Ann.
Ann, I like the Irish wax in your tweet. Um. That didn’t sound too good, did it.
As far as a photo replacement for your blog, truth be told, you look a million times better, and younger, in person than in that photo. Honest!
Hello Ann,
I have been away and am just checking in now. I am so very sorry and I am thinking you and Mr. Howe’s entire family as you deal with your loss. He sounded like a great guy…Take care of each other, okay?
In regards to new website photos, you are so pretty in person. Really, really pretty. And cute. Maybe Bernie could snap some candid pictures of you when your not posing? His pics of me turn out better than my wedding photos!!
happy b-day DL.
Very beautiful poem, Ann. It sounds like your stepfather was truly loved by all. Hope the memory of what a wonderful person he was will help soften the loss your family has endured. Be well.