The other day, I blogged about how busy I was, getting the house, property and animals all groomed up in anticipation of the arrival of a photographer and crew from an equestrian lifestyle magazine. It all felt so glamorous as I was posting the blog, that I recall thinking that I am really quite extraordinary. Imagine, a magazine coming here to do a story on me. Not my husband – me! Several readers responded with encouraging comments, but some of the more inquisitive amongst you couldn’t let my pithy but cryptic remarks about the magazine stand alone.
“What’s the name of the magazine?” several asked. “Where can we read it?” “I thought Equestrian Lifestyle magazine went out of business.”
Then I was forced to admit that the magazine doesn’t really exist yet.
You know, I don’t want to tell you all how you should read and participate in this blog, but it’s really best not to delve too deep. I think you’ll find it much more enjoyable to experience my legendary capacity for self-delusion with me and not ask too many questions. JUST A SUGGESTION. You’re welcome to ask anything of course.
The magazine is called Equestrian Quarterly. It’s brand new, so new, in fact, that we will be featured in the very first issue, which is slated to come out in September. C. Wynn Medinger, the publisher, is the husband of my friend Betsy Medinger. Betsy and Wynn have our dear Edgar Allan Pony at their farm up in Vermont.
Anyway, the shoot was scheduled for Tuesday, and I had been told the photographer was coming all the way from Miami, so I spent a week with a small crew here, totally sprucing up our property. The place was looking a little shabby. The fields were full of weeds, the horses were all whiskery, the dogs dirty, the lawn littered with dog toys (and worse). Thanks to Gary A. and Juan P. (not to make this sound like an AA meeting, I just don’t get the feeling these two guys will enjoy being featured here), by the time Wynn and his crew arrived, the place looked almost magazine worthy.
I’ve started training with Katja Eilers, a wonderful FEI level dressage trainer, and she brought her beautiful Grand Prix gelding Faber Castell 2 here to pose with me and the other horses. Faber is the horse version of Johnny Depp, you see, and Katja told me that he rather enjoys the spotlight. This was an understatement. Katja and Faber arrived a few minutes before Wynn and co., and when Faber stepped off the trailer, I actually gasped at the sight of him. He’s a chestnut horse and his coat is a rich red with very coppery highlights. He backed off the trailer, tossed his forelock and looked around the property with disdain. I thought you said there were going to be cameras, is what he was clearly thinking. I assured Katja and Faber that the crew would be arriving soon and then I held Faber’s reins while Katja fluffed up his shiny tail.
When the crew arrived, the photographer immediately began taking pictures and Faber, clearly a seasoned pro, had all sorts of poses prepared. He actually went all Zoolander on us, gazing off into the middle distance for a few shots, offering his handsome profile for another. I could see that I was being upstaged and I tried pressing my cheek to his so that we would look like a pair. I was wearing britches and boots, it would be easy to assume that we belonged together, were it not for Faber’s tendency to peer down his nose at me with an attitude of bemused superiority. I haven’t seen the photos yet, but I have a feeling it’ll be like the photos I’ve taken with Denis. Your eye will be drawn to the guy.
I led Faber over to meet Mark and Gabriel, and the three of us posed for a few more pictures, then it was time for Faber to go. He doesn’t have all day to pose for magazines, like some of us do, so after a few stunning farewell poses, he and Katja drove down the driveway.
Now, this is the part that caused me great shame later, when I played the afternoon over, again and again, in my mind. I believe that Wynn, Stephanie and George Kamper, the photographer, were happy to call it a wrap, once Faber was gone. I believe that based on subtle cues that I only picked up when I obsessed about it all later. These subtle cues included George packing up his camera and lenses and the others walking toward the car. Somehow these signs eluded me at the time, so overcome was I with the excitement of it all, and I informed them that it would only take a few minutes for me to change out of my riding clothes and into another outfit. Surely they’d want to photograph me with the dogs, in front of the garden, in the house, etc. George has shot many celebrities and he said that he wasn’t used to working with somebody so willing (this, while looking at his watch). So I showed them all around and posed for various shots, in and out of the house. At one point, as I was draping myself over the back of a sofa, George said, “I’d love to get a few shots of the room with nobody in it”.
I so wish I was lying. My face is burning now just thinking about it. Oh, and earlier, when we were outdoors, I kept offering to remove my sunglasses, but when I did George kept encouraging me to put them back on.
Anyway, I wish I took my own photos, but I didn’t, so I have nothing to share but a few shots of the property that I took before they arrived. Hopefully I’ll have some photos from the shoot to share with you soon. And, in fact, Wynn, Stephanie and George were absolutely a pleasure and I don’t think they really minded taking the photos of me as much as I might have led you to believe.
In fact, Wynn has asked me if I will join them in a couple of weeks at Georgina Bloomberg’s farm. Georgina is the daughter of New York City’s mayor Michael Bloomberg, and she is one of the top riders in the United States, She’s a show jumper who competes in all the international events. I’m going to be writing the story about Georgina for the magazine and can’t wait to meet her.
I doubt that she has a barn as fancy as this, but I’m sure it’s quite charming:
Funny piece, Ann. But Faber Castell? Isn’t that a brand of pencil? I wonder if that was his given name before he became a gelding.
Faber Castell… 2…. no less. Think that’s the pencil we used to take SAT tests. A good pencil for field sketches too, by the way.
Math teacher here…………yes, it’s the SAT pencil, the same ones I give to my 6th graders the 1st day of school so that I’m sure they at least start the year off with one !! Not sure it’s a name I’d give one of my pets….and I’m a geek!
He must be one sharp horse, capable of drawing elegant lines in space.
And Alan, in many circles, a number 2 pencil is considered “semi-soft” anyway
Good point, Carol. Now I’m wondering if Faber Castell 2 was ever a racer….
Okay, I’ll stop now. I’m punned out.
Think there might have been Faber Castell, a racer, who obliterated all his competitors.
Ah the no.2 pencil and my SAT scores. Nearly gave my parents heart attacks. The fact I actually squeezed into the school I wanted is a miracle. I believe entrance to colleges were not as intense and competitive as they are now.
Gloria
Apparently he was owned by the Faber Castell family before he was shipped here from Germany. I like a horse with a first and last name. I’m thinking of giving Mark a last name.
Ann, I think Mark has a last name. Leary.
How funny you recognize pencil names and here i just thought they were all called number 2s or yellow ones
Check out Ticonderoga pencils sometime….#2 also…pretty awesome drawing instruments as well! #2 to 5 or 6 make beautiful marks (Marks?) on paper.
Great story, Ann. My favorite stories of yours are the ones you are embarrassed to tell. I’m sure that the crew loved you, though, and just thought you were being extremely helpful- as opposed to the owners of the manor where you and Denis stayed in Ireland. As I recall, they did not think you were being helpful when you draped yourself over the sofa in their private living room!
Faber Castell 2 is gorgeous, but not as gorgeous as you. I think he and Zeus would get along, as Zeus is the king of posing and gets the “look of eagles” whenever a camera is present.
I think it’s great that Georgina is healing up so well after she had a bad spill last fall (girth malfunction).
At least George didn’t tell you to keep your sunglasses on indoors…right?
I can’t wait to see the photos and get the magazine. And by the way, as we pulled out with Snoopy I said to Matt, “God, it’s criminal to be that pretty without even trying!” I wasn’t talking about Snoopy. So there.
KC- i have a girth malfunction every day…. the sad part is, it has nothing to do with a horse.
Lisa – LOL. You’re awesome.
HA!
I loved this piece. You are a riot. !BTW–can’t wait for your next book. Now that your husband is out of work, I guess you’ll be the primary breadwinner
You always manage to make me smile and laugh and today was no exception. By the way, I think you’re wrong about who people’s eyes are drawn to in photos of you and Denis. No offense to your mister, of course.
Ann, your telling of the story is hilarious. Absolutely hilarious. “Draped over the couch…”
I thoroughly enjoyed it.
By the way, my name is Aislinn P, and I’m a landscaper.
ROTFLMAO! I love you Aislin.
Ann, I just snorted coffee! Enjoy summer, but please,another book—soon!(Love your sense of humour, love the way you write!). Thank you!
You gasped at the sight of him, young lady. Tsk. Tsk.
Ugh, thanks PJ. I didn’t understand your point until I saw my horrible typo/spelling blunder.
Anne,
Great story, as always. The house and grounds look great in the pictures you posted. I am sure the photos you had taken will be beautiful of you and the horses too. I look forward to seeing them, and always enjoy checking to read about your day to day adventures.
Glad the shoot went well. Mark was obviously too embarrassed by his roached mane to step in front of a camera? Can’t wait to see the photos anyway.
Come on, post some couch draping pics. It’ll be fun!
Do a whole series
Thanks for mentioning the magazine’s name. Think I gave away the card I wrote it on….
NOT TRUE!! Ann had to chase us out since George wouldn’t stop photographing her. She, her home, and her animals are fabulous!
Thanks for a great start to my day. Loved your story! I do not know how you find the time to keep us all up to date with your adventures. Can’t wait to see it in the magazine.
Everything looked beautiful.
Ann, I have a major case of yard envy, your place looks great. Nothing like a party or company/photo shoot coming over for us get our places spruced up. I can’t wait for the mag in September.
Fun story-thank you for sharing it. I cannot even imagine the place looking shabby (I’d trade you my shabby for yours any day!!) And I appreciate that you wanted to take your sunglasses off; I tend to keep mine on because I’m always getting pictures with my eyes shut ( I always reassure people that I really do have eyes). And–they were fools not to want pictures of your darling, photogenic dogs. Their loss !!!
It’s always good to start the day off with a laugh-out-loud moment, and I’m still giggling as I write. Can’t wait to see the new magazine!
Oh Ann, that was hilarious. I’m sure it wasn’t as bad as you’re thinking. It’s always worse when you replay it.
As long as you didn’t say, “I’m ready for my closeup now”, then you weren’t too desperate. Sounds like Faber was definitely working it, like a model catwalk showdown. Your barn might not be fancy but how many barns can say they have a hockey rink attached to theirs!
Nice stuff.
I cannot wait to see more pictures. And the ones in this post are lovely…. and the red barn matches the chair….beautiful or what!
By the way, I want to come and sit in that red chair some day. What a lovely view!
I represent Holly, the duchess of Leary, and we will be filing a gross negligence suit against this magazine. In accordance with the privileges of her birthright & station, Lady Holly should be featured prominently – with all due fanfare & excitedly-uttered adoration – in every photo taken with the explicit intention of portraying life in the Land Of Leary. Furthermore, the Duchess reminds the design editors of said magazine of her royal decree that Ladies-in-waiting Lu Lu & Daphne are to appear in no more than 20% of the total number of photos displayed, and further furthermore, that her loyal but lense-hogging footman, Gomer of P. Whip’t, shall be discernible in less than 10% of photos, and only then shown in profile.
It should be known – and the deed punished accordingly – that the Fabio horse is a rogue imposter who does not reside in the royal realm. As for the dowager queen who was complicit in this misrepresentation – and in the larger conspiracy to deprive Lady Holly of her rightful place and privileges – we will be urging the Royal Court to banish her to servitude in the stable, wear rags, eat cake, and hold onto her head.
Lady Holly will be recouperating on her throne, known in the castle as the Desk of Bed, until further notice. Or dinnertime. Whichever comes first.
LOL – You should write more.
Can’t wait for the first issue of the magazine to come out.
Gloria
Lol. Hilarious!
OMG!! I can’t believe this defamation of Gomer. Truly insulting and offensive. Just because he doesn’t have the cojones to stand up for himself and he allows that little tart Holly to push him around, I really don’t think is it necessary to pile on like this. His name is really Gomer The Tolerant. Keep up the slurs and he may just bite someone on her little royal ass!!
Ann — would love to get little updates on what you are working on in your dressage lessons.
As I read these posts, laughing hysterically at both your writing, Ann, and your “postmates” I was so glad to see towards the end…D. Lanier’s contribution. I am so glad you have proper representation for your talented housemates. I don’t want anyone pulling a fast one and overlooking these wonderful, ready-to-pose, at-your service creatures that share your abode. So often they can be overlooked and taken advantage of. Denise, thanks for your astute coverage of this whole photo shoot!
Dear Judith,
You’re most welcome! I do endeavor to amuse, even if I only end up entertaining myself
Besides, it’s really Ann who gets the Funny Train screaming down the tracks – I just threw some coal in the engine because I wanted the ride to keep on going. If I could fuel an actual vehicle w/the laughs that Ann & all of you elicit from me via this blogspace, I could roadtrip the universe.
Hope everybody had a Happy Fourth!