I’m always relieved to learn that there’s a medical term for a condition that plagues me. For instance, I recently learned that the reason I don’t love traveling and especially don’t love hanging out on beaches, is because I have something called relaxation-induced anxiety. As long as I’m careening through life at full-throttle, writing, running, eating, riding, caring for animals, husband, children, playing tennis, riding on ambulances, etc, I am somewhat stable. Sit me down on a beach or a yoga mat, however, and my mind decides to pick up the slack, goes into overdrive and within minutes I am in a full-blown lather of anxiety and dread. But now I know I’m not just a hyperactive weirdo, I have relaxation-induced anxiety.
And, thanks to our friend Beverly, I now have a name for another condition that has plagued me for years. I am sorry to have to report that I have an extreme case of misophonia. Beverly’s husband Mark thinks Beverly has it too, because the sounds of his breathing, snoring, chewing, etc, send her into a rage. According to Wiki, “people who have misophonia are most commonly annoyed, or even enraged, by such ordinary sounds as other people eating, breathing, sniffing, or coughing; certain consonants; or repetitive sounds.”
Wow. Total eye-opener. My husband’s chewing, breathing and sniffing all make me a little crazed, but it’s his walking that sends me to the brink of outright madness. His sneakers squeak, you see, and he wears them all the time and even when he doesn’t wear them, he usually has some form of footwear on his stompers and he insists on walking all over the house. I complained about this once to a friend, and unfortunately it was at the end of a long litany of complaints about my husband, and she finally said, “you know, he needs to be able to walk. You sort of have to allow him to do that. How else will he get from one room to another?”
“There’s crawling,” I replied. “He could scoot along on his bum. We have wood floors, so he could even lie down and I would be happy to drag him from room to room … anything not to have to listen to that endless stepping.”
Yesterday, after Bev started a conversation about our condition on Facebook, I decided to learn more about misophonia, so I Googled it and found this. It seems that many adolescent girls have been diagnosed with misophonia, but are only affected by the sounds their mothers make. Once the daughter is diagnosed, the mother understands that her little cherub can’t tolerate hearing her talking and breathing sounds, so the mother leaves the room and only communicates with the plagued child by email or written notes. Now, this bothers me, because I have never known an adolescent girl who wasn’t enraged by her mother’s talking, chewing and breathing, and obviously these normal girls are using my very real disease to avoid their mothers and control everybody in the house. Why indulge that kind of selfishness?
OH GOD, there it is! Again with the stepping. Step, step, step…it’s like Chinese water torture!
I found a new one last night, I realized every time we sit to watch a movie, a few times during the movie , Mark in a high pitched voice will talk to the dogs, I turned around like the exorcist and said ” must you do that every time we watch a movie” !! Mark said Bev no one was talking it was a quiet part ……. I may have just reached to throttle him, but my bag of chips and polo were comfy on my lap so i stayed put.
I think we should all move in together when we are 80, who else will put up with us?
I still chuckle away to myself and Denis’s squeaky sneakers and seriously wonder why he just does not crawl/shuffle? I mean we gave birth to their children???? Can we say SELFISH!
Bev, Denis doesn’t baby-talk to the dogs, but I know women who have divorced husbands for this.
Guys, cooing “who’s a gooooooooood girrrrrrrl? Who…o..oo’s Daddy’s gooooooooood giiiiiiiiirrrrrl? in a higher octave than Julie Andrews is a bit of a turn-off and will not result in sex that night. At least not with the human.
Bhahahaha!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!! Hilarious!!!!!! Men have no clue where they go wrong… nada! not with a human….. Hahaha!! laugh out loud!
I have to hold down the other camp on this talking to the dogs thing. I’d prefer my husband address them in an octave not usually heard in adult conversation. I’m forever thinking he’s talking to me. “What?” I say. To which the inevitable reply is, “Oh, nothing, I was just talking to the dogs.”
Sometimes when I mistakenly think my husband’s talking to me, he’s actually conversing with the cats, and it’s extra-frustrating to intercept parts of your husband’s discourse with a cat. Dogs are happy to share in discussion & endearments; cats like being interrupted about as much as they like toddlers & rocking chairs.
I’ve gotten so used to my husband’s back-and-forth with our pets in his Dr. Doolittle-way that I fail to respond when he’s actually addressing me quite often now. Out of the corner of my eye I’ll catch him waving his arms as if he’s trying to flag down a taxi. “What?” I say. “I was talking to you,” he says, half-pouting, half-exasperated, “you never listen to me anymore.”
BTW, I don’t think there’s an octave higher than Julie Andrews. Except perhaps for Robin Williams doing a Julie Andrews impression : )
ps, you know who else admits to being a sufferer? Kelly Ripa, she has to time chewing for meals when other people do because the sound of chewing sends her over the top!
i suffer any time i listen to kelly ripa – is there a cure for that?
ROFLMAO!
TOO FUNNY!!!
I can add to this list…on radio commercials when someone gives you all the fine print disclaimer info in a super fast litany that no one except a mosquito could possibly understand… or when anyone whispers on tv or in a movie. Drives me insane. All you get is the sibilent SSSSS noise. Grrrr.
I recently learned that disclaimers are digitally sped up, which helped me dismiss that annoyance –somewhat
I feel this way about someone I have worked with for almost 10 years. She says certain words wrong (like cardiology). I love her but sometimes I just cringe when she says certain things. I wonder if there is a food or drink that can help this condition?
Wait, how are you supposed to say cardiology?
ugh, jen, i have a co-worker that adds an “h” to a word that starts with st___. shtreet, shtrawberry. and she’s a 3 billionth generation american, but pronounces any italian word like she left perugia yesterday.
HA!
My younger brother, after a spasm of oh-my-gosh-do-you-have-to-lift-those-weights-in-your-room rage, called me “bat-ears”. I feelya!
this article is amazing..i have both of these disorders, and i cant believe there is a name for them…listening to my bf chewing, snorting, coughing up phlem, talking baby talk to my cats and stomping around is mind blowing…and about relaxing, NOT..thoughts race in my head, i cant even sit and watch the waves, or the tanning of my aged body!!! love your articles ann, and will pass them on to my fb friends…<3
Yay! We should start a support group! Ha ha ha!
YES! didn’t you see when Kelly Ripa claimed this condition a few weeks ago?? I felt so validated. Chewing sounds top the rage scale, but add to that the sound of my husband flossing his teeth. And he wear Keens that squeak…and he isn’t an overweight bear, but he sounds like he is when he walks from room to room in any shoes. I remember all those xmas eves glaring at him as we tried ‘sneaking’ down the hallway to fill stockings, etc. Sleeping toddlers MAGNIFY the sound, for sure. Whew. Good to know I’m not alone w/ this one…
that’s some funny sh-t, Ann!!!! It’s the scrapping of the bottom of the ice cream bowl that does me in. KNOCK IT OFF and get another serving for Chrissake!
But explain this, if you will – why does the stepping bother us, but the sound of the dog paws padding down the hall brings a smile????
The bowl scraping!!!!It makes the hair stand on end. I am really enjoying this post and all the hilarious comments!
OMG that is what I have!! SO relieved to know I am not alone. too freaking funny!!! I Expecially hate it when I am trying to read or watch tv and out of the corner of my eye I see my hubby constantly moving his feet. I either have to put my book up So I can’t see, change seats or leave the room. and the loud breathing through the nose.. Don’t get me started! Thanks for the diagnosis!!! I am also the someway with the relaxing. I have to do something else if I am sitting and I am always popping up every 5 min! Thanks for the great laugh as always!
i am amazed at the comments left regarding these issues..the ice cream bowl scraping is the best, and the feet, they always move, …god help me get along with him and ignore the pet peeves..
…please (i love you babe)
Its true, when I saw this post this morning ( yes Ann, I occasionally lurk to see what wild and crazy escapades you and the Anntourage are up to. I particularly enjoyed the New England rants) I was going to comment about last night (it wasn’t a high pitched voice either when I was speaking to Holly and Ronan,, it was a normal manly voice) but I didn’t want to sound like a whiney bee-otch like that RFK jr
Thats my story and I’m stickin’ to it.
Another thing that sends her over the top is when I “slam” doors shut. I don’t slam them, I let them gently swing shut
I think guys like Dennis and I should be canonized for being the the angels or mercy we are whilst ministering to our ‘ill’ wives.
Defo high pitched whinny voice, and even my parents agree, you slam a door til it’s off it’s hinges. Wow men and women live in different worlds, this is Crazy!
Mark, we have a DISEASE. Have you no shame?
Nope, all out of that. That went with my waistline.
So you lied when you agreed to “In sickness and in health” ? DISEASED i tell you!
Love starting my day with a smile, thanks Ann. My guy sounds like a rhino is coming up the stairs and through the house, but we’ve been married for 33 years so I know there’s no cure. Plus, he’s a klutz, he just bit his lip while talking, not chewing and talking mind you. Oh and there’s no way he’s ‘allowed’ to order spaghetti in public, none. Jody, I love my dog’s padding, but not his heavy breathing in the middle of the night – like Poe’s beating heart!
“Above all was the sense of hearing acute. I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell. How, then, am I mad? Hearken! and observe how healthily –how calmly I can tell you the whole story…”
Chris, please, what is that quote from?
I hazard to guess thats the Mr. Poe’s ‘The Tell Tale Heart’
Sorry guys, Iwas out and about today, Mark is right. The Tell Tale Heart! We kinda love Poe here in VA!
Oh my gosh… I am laughing so hard my eyes are watering!!
THANK GOD!!!! There’s a name for it…most commonly it is someone cracking, snapping or chewing their gum that makes ME snap…but other sounds as well. I wonder all the time why my husband only likes to eat crunchy foods at 10 at night when we’re watching tv…his response, you think mac and cheese is crunchy…my response, you make it that way!!! I can’t wait to tell him it is a real problem and therefore, not my fault;-) Unless there is an identifiable cure, I am hereby absolved…thanks…LOL!
MAC AND CHEESE IS NOT CRUNCHY!
Me too!! I am reading this in Kenya (on vacation and the only person here that is wired) I just handed this to my husband to read. He is laughing at me–I have been all over him about his chewing.
So whats the treatment protocol???
I recently went to a baby shower that was for a yoga teaching friend of mind. All the guests were told to sit in a circle and “exhale positive vibes” (or some such nonsense) for the unborn baby. I, like you, do not do yoga. I am too obsessed with my long list of to do’s which send me into a tail spin if i sit for too long. So therefore, I am afraid this unborn child will be born with heightened anxiety and an unexplicable desire to bring spinach salads to school pot luck dinners, drop checks off at the orthodontist and call the floor guy to refinish the dining room.
As for misophonia: do you know what 30 40-some odd year old women sound like exhaling good thoughts for a fetus?
Your post made me laugh. And I needed a laugh… Thanks!
Yours in misophonic hysteria,
Chris Beckett
If you have wood floors, then I suggest socks. Your husband can slide from room to room. Or play air guitar like Tom Cruise did in that movie.
Slurping. I hate that sound.
Denis could even switch to slippers…and SCUFF around the house.
My husband clicks his teeth together when eating a BANANA. I want to simultaneously stab him with a fork and put a gun to my head.
I am laughing so hard at these responses. This is hysterical.
I have never heard the sound of soup being chewed before, I thought it could only be slurped apparently I’m wrong!! You know that part in the wedding vows where it says till death us do part? sometimes you almost wish that would come sooner than later!! LOL.
Glad to find a diagnosis! I am a video editor by trade and my biggest pet peeve is a producer sitting beside me and crunching loudly on snack foods all day. I am trying to play back precise audio edits and all I can hear with my omni-directional ears is crunch-crunch-crunch. So I have a no food policy in the edit suite. People think it’s a bit harsh, but it allows me to be civilized! I do allow drinks but sometimes just the sound of certain people’s swallowing makes me tense. Misophonia, eh? I feel better…
And what’s with the breathing??? In out, in out. Will it ever stop!?
*snark*
This thread is HILARIOUS!!
(Ariel, so funny!!!)
Wow, I have to confuss I have been known to bust out in a snort when I laugh. Since you guys can’t hear me I think it is safe to say I will not be asked to remove myself from the blog. Great post this morning (as usual).
Oh wow oh wow. What a relief to find myself again in this Ann inspired community of sufferers. Here is my misophonic trigger emanating from husbandly unit. Whistling! Constant whistling. Whistling for no good reason at all. I can hear it from three stories up as I try to sleep. Lately it is the Stanley Cup theme song interspersed with loud swearing and cursing. Then whistling.
I’ve got a hummer, Paula, so I know what you’re dealing with.
um, ann, i’m thinking that based on the foot stomping madness, you’re the only one who’s got a hummer at the leary house.
HAHAHAHAHAHA
This is so funny. When my daughter started living with her now husband, she said “Mommy, he whistles all the time.” Now she tells me he “hums” when he’s eating, in pure epicurean delight – bite, chew, “Ummm” – since she can cook and the poor boy’s mom never did!!
Ann you always make me laugh! I can certainly identify with this, except my husband wears flip flops. He won’t go barefoot and doesn’t want to wear shoes in the house. The flip, flip, flip noise drives me crazy! Especially when I am trying to sleep! I guess I also have the disease.
Growing up I shared a room in the basement of our house with my sister. My mom is a heal walker and our room was right under the kitchen. Stomp stomp stomp … stomp stomp stomp. When we mentioned this stomping she completely denied it and said we were just over sensitive.
Oddly, now that I’m 45 and living in a condo under neighbors who have hardwood floors and are also heal walkers, I find it oddly soothing. Go figure.
High heels on an upstairs apartment’s hardwood floor are a real treat too. Our LA girl’s 2nd floor neighbor NEVER removes her shoes, any time of day or night, including weekends.
HILARIOUS Ann! I did notice while watching Rescue Me and other Leary movies that Denis flops his feet when he walks lolllllllll. I have an ex-husband for whom everything he did aggravated me – the diagnosis for that was DIVORCE
See! I knew it wasn’t me. The man is a foot-flopper!
This post is hysterical. I am crying at my desk reading all of your comments. I too suffer from various sounds from my better half, but the worst is when he asks me something with a cigar in his mouth and turns his head away. Really,, am I supposed to piece the words together like a wheel of fortune puzzle? I do like the socks idea for getting from room to room.
This post and all the comments are so funny!! Bev and Mark are killing me! Thanks for bringing a smile to my face today.
Hahaha! So glad we have we have no squeaky sneakers in the house!
My family does call me the cruise director though, as a result of memorable vacations. Down time is definitely overrated.
I wish I could say what I am thinking about my better half but he reads your blog, but not ususally the comments. If I made a comment it would probably be the first day he read the comments. Believe me the list is long. It contains all the things mentioned and then some. I do get a break tho with my own bedroom.
I’m glad there is a name for this because every female in my family (on both sides of the family, including in-laws) suffers from misophonia. My husband is the biggest sweetheart…BUT….when he taps his fingers on ANYTHING he has to hum or softly sing ‘ba ba ba ba….’. It goes right through me. I cannot tolerate it. Don’t know why…until NOW! I will give him the look and say, “Can you please stop?” He will say, “What?” We have been married for 22 years. (Why this exchange of words does not sound familiar to him – I have no idea.) I will ask him to please stop tapping again and he will. He will continue to hum or sing the Ba-Ba song. I will then give him the look again and he will ask, “Now what?” I will then reply, “Please stop humming/singing.” His response, “You ONLY asked me to stop tapping!”
I don’t know if anyone else has this problem, but lately my husband is hitting every pothole in creation. I think our cars have even had enough. Last week he hit the same pothole on our street three times. I said, “Honey, can’t you go around it? You seem to hit it perfectly every time you drive this way.” He was ticked. His only response was, “I didn’t see it.” It was midday…sunny…no fog…no clouds…no squirrels, deer or chipmunks on the road etc. From that point on it was a quiet ride in the car and I didn’t even dare think of changing the radio station…even when Stevie Nicks came on…I cannot stand her voice. Sorry if I offended anyone, but I have misophonia. The next day I went shopping with my daughter and I hit that EXACT SAME pothole perfectly! I couldn’t believe it. I think the car wanted to cry. My daughter said, “Mom, didn’t you see that pothole?” Honestly, I didn’t! And it was a sunny day too – critter free! I only seem to see it when I’m the passenger. I probably suffer from another condition.
You know, I’m starting to think there is a conspiracy here. Notice that it is the men who do all the humming, ba-ba-ba-ing, clacking of teeth, loud-stepping, tapping, slurping, etc? This can’t be a coincidence. I’m wondering now if they aren’t in league against us somehow.
Or, alternatively, women are intolerant and critical.
No, it has to be the first.
it is the first, My eldest daughter lived with a man for 3 years, she was the most depressed I have ever seen her, she then left him for a woman and is now blissfully happy…. what does that tell you! LOL
Bev, you make me smile!
Ann, I don’t do any of the things that you attributed to men. Of course, I live by myself….
I do recall that, when I was a youngster, my mother used to complain about the various “mouth noises” that she insisted my older brother and I constantly made.
OMG how did you get inside my head???
What drives me absolutely over the edge is people who say the word jewelry as jew-le-ry – not jewel-ry.
Most newscasters say it incorrectly all the time and even the most educated ones still enunciate it improperly. I don’t know why I have this reaction – but we are wearing “jewels” not “jews”. Whether they are fake or not!!! Sorry – I guess we all have our issues! I don’t have a problem with how my husband walks around the house or chews – I have solved the snoring with a good elbow now and then – but now our Wheaten snores – and because I love him so much, I just turn over and try to go back to sleep. I now……..pathetic!!!
One of my Wheatens snores, too. She’s 13, and has snored all her life. I know I will miss it when she is gone, as she sleeps with me. No way would I put up with this from some guy for 13 years!
My “issue” falls under the heading of misophonia, I’m sure. It’s people who bite into a piece of popcorn, rather than put the whole popped kernel into their mouth to chew. I have moved seats in movie theaters on more than one occasion, because someone sitting near me does this. I want to bop them on the head with my purse and give them a lesson in eating popcorn. Oy!
Sandra,
Aren’t Wheatens the absolute BEST????? Our boy is five now and I have to admit, he doesn’t snore loudly – it’s kind of cute and fairly easy to ignore – my husband – not so much. He is our fifth Wheaton and I can’t imagine not having one in the house!
Yes, Wheatens are the BEST! I have two, and can’t imagine myself with any other breed of dog. I like many dog breeds, but Wheatens definitely have my heart.
Mispronunciation could be a whole other topic. The word that I hate being mispronounced is real-a-tor, instead of real-tor. Like you said D, even educated people say it this way. Once I heard a commercial for a major realty company pronounce it the wrong way in the commercial, I was thinking of writing to them…I can’t believe the realtor’s don’t even know how to pronounce it! (Another: ath-a-lete). I never noticed jewelry mispronounced before, now I am sure I will!
Oh yes, Laura !!!
Real-a-tor makes me see red too – ath-a-lete – not so much. I watch the CBS news sometimes @ five and see Kristine Johnson (who seems like a lovely woman), but she says jew-le-ry ALL THE TIME – so I guess I’m primed for her.
But I hear it so often here in Ct. and I just want to bang my head against the wall. I have often thought about saying something to the offenders, but I really think that I would get the” deer in headlights look”.
Or, even know……… pathetic!
Very entertaining,,,,,thank you -also especially helpful in avoiding the tasks I meant to get done on the computer!
Misophonia may have skipped a generation in my house. But then again, my husband travels so much we’re hardly around each other enough to get irritated! I recommend separate cities as a treatment. My kids, however, give each other a hard time about chewing, walking noises, breathing sounds, yellow teeth and on and on and on. Misophonia abounds! Labels help. so does laughter.thanks
Ann you are the best
I think that both my husband and I have misophonia. My husband eats sunflower seeds a few times a week at nighttime while we watch TV, and the sound of him dipping his hand into the crunchy plastic bag and pulling it out at a quick pace drives me NUTS! He also chews towards the front of his mouth, so he doesn’t chew with his mouth open but it sometimes sounds like it. My oldest son does the same thing, and so does my hubby’s mother!! It drives me nuts! Especially with crunchy things… UGH
I’m sure he could say a few things about me since we have been married for 13 years, so it’s a good thing he won’t be reading this column
Have a splendid, noisy, squeaky shoe day Ann! xo
I don’t know about the conspiracy thing, but men do make noises. Mothers too. Sorry, but it’s true. My mother makes this ‘mouth noise’ as if she’s trying to clean something between her teeth, and then after sometime I discovered that my boyfriend likes to do it now and then too! Toothpick anybody?! I would tell him that I don’t allow that behavior in my home, but since I still live with my parents I can’t. or maybe…?
sound of music – YES. just sound – NO
I worked next to a woman who used to scrape the sides of her “empty” yogurt container for at least 10 minutes after every drop was gone. It was so bad that I couldn’t concentrate on anything other than that sound.
She thankfully no longer works here, but even to this day, I cannot stand the sound of someone scraping the inside of a yogurt container. Oy! I just brought the memory back.
Hilarious, Aislinn!
I just read this and am sooo happy to find that I am not the only one driven crazy by their hubby’s walk. If he has his shoes on he scuffs and squeeks all over the floor and if he is barefoot he shuffles his feet…It’s like nails on a chalkboard to me….I can be in mid talk with him and I lose my train of thought because it’s sooo distracting and maddening….He thinks I am nuts, I was beginning to think maybe I was, but now I know I am not. Thank you Ann for enlightening us.
My dad and brother are big toothpick people…then comes the sucking of air in between the teeth… Over the years my annoyance has turned into the mad white fury of a thousand suns.
Brilliant!!!!!!
Let’s get a response from Denis on here Ann!! We would LOVE to read what he has to say
I am a husband of a misophonia sufferer. I am regularly notified of my load chewing, stomping, toe snapping, chin rubbing, and breathing behavior. I don’t understand this condition, especially when my wife does these things I think they are cute. If we had a gun in the house I’d be dead already. Is there a pill you can take for this?
Now I feel like a pill. Billy, you sound very nice, like all our husbands/partners who tolerate us misophoniacs.
PS- toe snapping?
My Aunt has 8 kids
I was always over at her house because when you have 8 kids what does one more matter?
One of my cousins stuck a fork in her sisters arm when she went for the last piece of chicken.
While she was wailing crying my Aunt said, Be glad she didn’t stick it in your head.
Now when my husband breaths too loud, coughs, stomps around, or swallows and I feel like my head is going to explode, I see in my minds eye me sticking a fork in his head….that makes me smile.
Secret to happiness and a 26 year marriage? A vivid imagination?
Tammy….too funny!
And on that note, Happy Father’s Day to all the great dads out there. My husband is tapping and humming while I type this….and I am not going to say a word about it. It’s one of my gifts to him today!
Christine, that is a great fathers day gift lol
Enough already with the misophoniacs!
Can we PLEASE have some photos/videos of the dogs and Mark!!
Linda S.
Tap tap tap….tap tp tap …my husband adjusting the rear view mirror every 10minutes. How perfectly aligned does it have to be? Aaaahhhhh!
Unrelated to the current discussion, but who knew one could get a castle in Ireland for a one-third of the housing-bubble price in 2006?
http://www.forbes.com/pictures/mhj45igej/humewood-castle-wicklow-ireland/#gallerycontent
I have laid low – and nobody has put forth the most annoying sound EVER – dogs methodically licking . . whatever! feet, toes, parts, argh! I love my dogs to death (currently 4 plus 1 foster), but they daren’t go there. and vacation anxiety has something to do with the old partying ways methinks personally, having experienced same.
You are missed.
Agreed.. stay cool today,, hittin 100+ here today
100+ in Chicago today too. Hope everyone is good.
Thank you for sharing this info with us. I didn’t know anything about misophonia until now. This is very interesting. I wasn’t aware that many adolescent girls have been diagnosed with misophonia, but are only affected by the sounds their mothers make.
Wow, I have that to. Is there one for smell as well?
I havn’t heard of these terms before but I know people who are like these. Now I know the term for being annoyed by ordinary sounds of other people…I am also a misophonia …