So, he’s at college now. We loaded his stuff into one car, but then there wasn’t room for all of us to fit, so Dev and I took the other car. We stopped at my in-laws in Worcester – Denis’s sister Ann Marie and brother-in-law Neil Coleman’s house – and our nieces were there and Grandma Nora.

We had a delicious brunch. The gorgeous nieces are either thinking about colleges, in college or just finished with college and we talked about all their exciting plans. We watched a few videos of them all when they were babies – all the cousins. Videos of our sweet babies and preschoolers so pleased with themselves because they could count, because they knew their addresses and their ages. One was frolicking in a bath filled with bubbles explaining, with great delight, that she was sick. She was grinning the precious, gap-toothed, guileless grin of a five or six year old. Today she’s a college grad who models and is looking for a job in media relations. Her beautiful twin is applying to dental schools.

The moms and the grandma shed a few tears.

We took him to school. We unloaded his stuff. We cracked a few jokes about the over-enthusiastic RAs. We went to the store to get the stuff we forgot to bring. Then it was time to go. Denis was double parked outside the dorm. Dev and I helped him carry his groceries up. It was all there then, the stuff of this boy – his guitar, his sneakers, his sheets and towels and shaving gear, his great sense of humor, his optimism, his grace and kindness, his intuitive wisdom, his big generous heart. It was all there, there was nothing else for us to do, so it was time to go.

The other night I went to see A.R. Gurney’s Off-Broadway play, “Buffalo Gal,” which is a wonderful show about the staging of a production of Anton Checkov’s “The Cherry Orchard.” Well, it’s about much more than that, but as I watched the play I realized, with some degree of shame, that I have never actually read or seen, “The Cherry Orchard”, and, as I am planning to interview Mr. Gurney for my radio show, IN HOUSE, I decided I would order a copy of the play from Amazon. I went to the Amazon page and out of curiosity, I scrolled down to the customer reviews.

My novel, Outtakes From a Marriage came out in June, and I admit, I still pay a call to Amazon once or twenty times a day. My book’s Amazon ranking has inevitably climbed and the comments have sort of fizzled out, but I still get a review every now and then, and when I do get a kind review, I’m not exaggerating, my eyes actually well up with tears of gratitude. It blows my mind that people will take time out of their busy lives to praise (or even semi-praise) my book. While my customer reviews have been mostly favorable, I have received a few zingers, like this one:

don’t waste your time or money, (2-stars) June 28, 2008

I bought this book after seeing the author several times (toting around her famous husband on talk shows)
I couldn’t have been more bored..ann leary is not funny or smart as the blurbs had led me to believe. The story was tedious (so hard to feel bad for the tragedies that happen to rich white people)

This stung. I wanted to write the reviewer back to ask her if she knew how laborious and exhausting it was toting that famous husband here and there. But I didn’t. I just felt awful.

So, I admit, it cheered me to discover that even our literary giants can be dragged over the coals by Amazon’s discerning judges. Here is a review of Checkov’s “The Cherry Orchard”:

A dreadful play (1-star) February 10, 2004

“The Cherry Orchard” is an atrocious play. If we hold this play in high regard, then we dramatist’s need to reevaluate our standards. Chekhov wrote a play that will make you not care an inch about the character’s or their situation(s). For him to think that this is a comedy makes you wonder if he understood the point he himself was trying to make. The characters are pathetic and they’ll make you pity them – not because of their predicaments, but because of whom they are. I do not recommend.

Wow. Harsh. I decided to see what reviewers thought of some of my favorite classics. Here’s what one reader thought of Ernest Hemingway’s The Sun Also Rises:

A story about immoral alcoholics, July 28, 2008

My main beef with this book was that no one was likable AT ALL. They were all a bunch of morally-bankrupt, selfish and snobby rich Americans who trot all over Europe satisfying their whims and drinking themselves into oblivion, all while imposing their disgusting lives on other people.(Autobiographical?) If you took out every reference to how drunk these people got, this would be a 50-page novella. You might say, “That’s what Hemingway was trying to portray”. OK, in that sense this was a powerful book because the characters’ pathetic lives were so vividly impressed upon my mind. Perhaps. However, I could never recommend this novel for the very subject matter and tone of the novel. Hemingway’s writing is, simply put, bizarre. He translates Spanish syntax anad phrasing into English, which results in awkward-sounding phrases and his descriptive abilities are marginal. I would pass on this one.

I usually try not to take pleasure in the misfortune of others, especially dead others, but I couldn’t help feeling a little pleased about Papa Hemingway’s disastrous review. I mean, at least nobody has criticized my syntax and phrasing (yet). Too bad he didn’t live to read this review, perhaps he could have become one of America’s great writers.

I searched for Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment, and was equally tickled by this stern comeuppance by a disappointed reader :

Good try, but still singular immature approach, June 23, 2008

Granted, Crime and Punishment is considered great literature devoted to the psychology of criminals and their imprisonments within their own guilt. However, the novel is an immature way of stereotyping criminals and simplifying a very complex human puzzle.

My personal favorite, however, was this review of D.H. Lawrence’s Lady Chatterly’s Lover, which received one dismal star:

Didn’t make it pass the 16th page, July 25, 2008

I wasted my money and time on this book. It was a painful read. It was boring, dry and not very entertaining. How in the world did this book get turned into a movie. I hope the movie is a lot better than the book. I will find out.

How in the world DID Lady Chatterly’s Lover get made into a movie? Clearly some studio nitwit thought this painfully dull read could be transformed into a watchable movie. Why? When there are wonderful books like the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants to adapt?
These reviews are real. I cut and pasted them so all the spelling and grammar mistakes are real too. I guess my point is, if you’re ever feeling down about a poor performance review at your job, a bad review of your acting, writing or art, just log onto Amazon – it’s truly a jungle out there.

Today, at 2:00 PM(ET) tune into WHDD-91.9FM to listen to my IN HOUSE interview with Milos Forman. You can listen to to it as it’s broadcast by clicking on the WHDD link above, or anytime after the interview by clicking here.

Here’s a shot of Milos standing next to what appears to be a giant Oscar:

He won the Oscar for this:

And this:

And was robbed for films like this:

And began his career with films like this:

Join my discussion with the engaging and brilliant Mr. Forman this Saturday at 2:00 on IN HOUSE.

So I made a few inquiries into the Oreo situation.

It turns out that the culprit (I promised not to name names) did most certainly NOT scrape the stuff from the middle with his/her teeth.

This person untwisted the cookie, then married the two halves with the “stuff”, thereby making the double-stuff Oreos, quadruple-stuffed. Then he/she thoughtfully returned the blank halves to the cookie tray, in case somebody wanted no-stuff Oreos. At no time, said the perp, did the cookie come into contact with his/her mouth. This person was concerned about waste, the little angel, that’s why they didn’t throw away the unused halves.

I was out all day and when I arrived home I found bits of white fluff all over our floor. I followed the trail of fluff to the living room where I learned that the girls had decided to destroy their “puppy”.

They have been taking turns gently carrying this stuffed animal around for over a year – I actually thought that they sort of thought it was their puppy. I have no idea what made them decide to suddenly commit infanticide. When I removed it, to photograph how they had gnawed off one of its eyes, Daphne made a lunge for the other!

Then, I went to the pantry for a little morsel- you know, like five handfuls of Oreos – and I found this abomination:

One (or more) of my kids had unscrewed the Oreos and scraped out the middle gunk with their teeth AND THEN PUT THE REMAINDERS BACK! They put the half-eaten cookie shells back into the tray and then placed the tray back in the pantry. You’re probably thinking, “typical little kids.” But my kids are 16 and 18 years old.

Just a reminder to tune in tomorrow afternoon at 2:00 to 91.9 WHDDFM to hear my IN HOUSE radio interview with Academy Award winning director Milos Forman. It’s really good, guys. I’m not just saying this because it’s my show. Milos is a very, very interesting man with great stories. Just click on my IN HOUSE Radio page if you miss it and you can listen to it anytime.

It’s that time of year again. I must find myself a dress to wear to an awards show. An awards show with a red carpet. A show with a red carpet along which flocks of beautiful young starlets, models and actresses will daintily tiptoe in their Manolos and their Jimmy Choos, their perfect bodies draped in custom-designed finery, adorned with diamonds and carrying gem-encrusted clutches. Their lithe muscles will be toned to within an inch of perfection. Long of lash and leg., they will smile and wave; their hair swept up into elaborately glamorous cascades of lusciousness, their skin glowing with youth.

I, on the other hand, dear internet, have just had another birthday. It’s the birthday that first makes you closer to fifty than forty. And, I confess that I’ve let myself go a little bit since my book publicity tour. When people stopped taking my picture, I stopped running on that stupid treadmill. And then the summer came with its pies and fried clams and corn on the cob and ice cream and lots of sitting around. So I gained a few. I’m in radio now, I told myself, as I shoveled in the potato salad. I’m a writer who lives in the country, where it’s normal to look robust and healthy, I promised myself as I watched the butter melt into all those delightful nooks and crannys on my Thomas’s.

So today I must go shop for a dress that will somehow lead the eye away from my drooping eyelids, from my flabby upper arms and fleshy midsection. It must lead the eye directly to my legs, which it’s true, are the last to go. My legs look pretty good, I have to say. So I’m thinking of wearing a knee length dress instead of a gown to the Emmys. Why should I wear a gown, I’m not nominated for anything. I mean, who do I think I am, Cate Blanchette? A dress is what I’m thinking.

Also, had this brilliant idea of secretly bringing my recording equipment and interviewing the celebs while we’re waiting Denis’s turn to be interviewed. Then I’ll work out some sort of live-feed setup with my blog. So, while I’m standing next to Julia-Louise Dreyfuss, waiting for Ryan Seacrest to interview her and then my husband, I’ll chat her up about her dress and stuff and you’ll all be able to hear it here first! Denis, unfortunately, has forbade me to do this. “If you get kicked out of the Emmy’s,” he said, “you’re on your own.” I am allowed to take pictures, though.

This beautiful image is a still from Milos Forman’s film, Loves of a Blonde, which was made in 1965 in Czechoslovakia and was nominated for a Golden Globe and an Academy Award for Best Foreign Film. You might be more familiar with Mr. Forman’s American films which include One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Ragtime, Amadeus, Hair, The People vs. Larry Flynt among many others.

I know it’s only Monday, but I have to start raving about this Saturday’s IN HOUSE Radio program, because in it, I interview Milos Forman. The man is so fascinating and sexy and charming (his wife Martina is too young and beautiful to be jealous) that I could listen to him tell stories all day.

I visited their home a few weeks ago and we talked about his Bohemian childhood, the loss of his parents to the Nazis, the film school he attended in Prague, the logistics of shooting Cuckoo’s Nest in a real mental hospital with real patients as extras …I could go on and on. TUNE IN! Saturday, August 30th at 2:00(ET). If you live in northwestern CT, it’s WHDD 91.9FM. Otherwise, click here to hear it after the broadcast, anytime, anywhere.

Yesterday I determined that riding my horse Sailor would be a very therapeutic endeavor for me. I’ve been in a little bit of a funk. This was meant to cheer me up. So I went out and collected Sailor from his field and we walked up to the barn – he jigging and prancing with nervous excitement-me wondering what I ever thought was so great about horses anyway.

I brushed him off, pulled and fussed with his mane, and then I threw his saddle on his back. It was then that I noticed that the saddle had no stirrup leathers or irons (the things you put your feet in). One of the girls had borrowed them and now they were in my house. If it was any other horse I might have ridden without stirrups but sometime I will share some of Sailor’s zany antics with you. You really want a good foothold on that one. This is a photo of him harassing poor Gabriel:

Anyway, I led Sailor down to the house and then yelled up at Devin’s window so she would bring me the stirrups. She couldn’t hear me.

That’s when I had my GREAT IDEA. I would lead Sailor into the house. The stirrups were right in our entrance-way which has a stone floor and very high ceiling. He would just think he was in a barn, I thought, and actually Sailor has very nice manners when you’re not riding him. So I led him up to the stone terrace. He was quite good about the steps to the terrace but when I opened the door to the house and started in, his eyes grew wild, his nostrils flared and he froze. Then he raised his tail and, after trumpeting a flatulent warning, he shot a series of industrial-sized manure patties all over the terrace. Then, being a horse of many talents, he managed to adjust the manure output to a thick spray while at the same time executing a perfect canter pirouette.

Anybody who watched the dressage competitions at the Olympics would understand what a complicated maneuver this is for a horse, especially with a twirling, cursing human underfoot. Anyway, by the time we leapt together from the terrace, there was not an inch of it (or me) that wasn’t carpeted in manure.

The horse didn’t want to go in the house. I understood this as clear as day – I can read animal’s minds. He did NOT want to go in the house. All the commotion brought Devin outside and I ended up having a very nice ride. When I was finished, I learned that the dogs had decided to clean up the terrace for me. What they didn’t ingest, they tried to mop up with their fur, the dears.

The next time I need something therapeutic, I’m going to try therapy.

I have already received several emails (and even a few phone calls) about how much people enjoyed today’s IN HOUSE show. I have also received inquiries about their website which I feel like an idiot for not having posted already. So here’s the link to their site.

Some of you might recall that two weeks ago there was a little mix-up and although I had announced that my IN HOUSE Radio Interview with Richard Lambertson and John Truex was going to air that weekend, it did not air. This was due to a mistake that I am now humble enough to admit was partially my fault. There was some miscommunication about which show should air when.

Anyway, now we’re running like a finely tuned instrument and the Lambertson/Truex show will run tomorrow, August 23rd at 2:00 PM. Again, if you’re in Northwestern Connecticut, you can hear it as it’s broadcast live by listeing to WHDD 91.9 FM on your radio. If you live anywhere else in the world, you can still hear it broadcast live by going to the WHDD 91.9 FM site and clicking “Listen Live.” Otherwise, you can go to my IN HOUSE radio page, here, and listen to it anytime afterword.

You’re going to love this show. First, these men are charming, funny and smart. Their stunning home is being featured in an upcoming issue of ELLE Decor and you’ll feel like you’re sitting right there in their beautiful sunroom with us. So tune in!