It’s that time of year again. I must find myself a dress to wear to an awards show. An awards show with a red carpet. A show with a red carpet along which flocks of beautiful young starlets, models and actresses will daintily tiptoe in their Manolos and their Jimmy Choos, their perfect bodies draped in custom-designed finery, adorned with diamonds and carrying gem-encrusted clutches. Their lithe muscles will be toned to within an inch of perfection. Long of lash and leg., they will smile and wave; their hair swept up into elaborately glamorous cascades of lusciousness, their skin glowing with youth.
I, on the other hand, dear internet, have just had another birthday. It’s the birthday that first makes you closer to fifty than forty. And, I confess that I’ve let myself go a little bit since my book publicity tour. When people stopped taking my picture, I stopped running on that stupid treadmill. And then the summer came with its pies and fried clams and corn on the cob and ice cream and lots of sitting around. So I gained a few. I’m in radio now, I told myself, as I shoveled in the potato salad. I’m a writer who lives in the country, where it’s normal to look robust and healthy, I promised myself as I watched the butter melt into all those delightful nooks and crannys on my Thomas’s.
So today I must go shop for a dress that will somehow lead the eye away from my drooping eyelids, from my flabby upper arms and fleshy midsection. It must lead the eye directly to my legs, which it’s true, are the last to go. My legs look pretty good, I have to say. So I’m thinking of wearing a knee length dress instead of a gown to the Emmys. Why should I wear a gown, I’m not nominated for anything. I mean, who do I think I am, Cate Blanchette? A dress is what I’m thinking.
Also, had this brilliant idea of secretly bringing my recording equipment and interviewing the celebs while we’re waiting Denis’s turn to be interviewed. Then I’ll work out some sort of live-feed setup with my blog. So, while I’m standing next to Julia-Louise Dreyfuss, waiting for Ryan Seacrest to interview her and then my husband, I’ll chat her up about her dress and stuff and you’ll all be able to hear it here first! Denis, unfortunately, has forbade me to do this. “If you get kicked out of the Emmy’s,” he said, “you’re on your own.” I am allowed to take pictures, though.
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lol@ Denis has forbade me. Seriously? Yah. We can all guess how well that goes over. hehe
Dear Ann,
I too, have to agree with everything the other women have posted on this blog….I believe true beauty comes from within, the integrity of a person…You are very pretty and everything I have read in your blogs and in your books show your integrity ( the greatest attribute anyone can possess)….
Walk down that red carpet with your head held high knowing your worth….
Denis will be proud to escort you as well as you will be proud to escort him….
Glad it’s you and not me! I HATE shopping for clothes of any kind! I agree that living in a small town outside of the big city – allows one to become a bit more relaxed in what one wears, especially with all the fun you have with the unpredictable antics of dogs and horses! To work in radio – geez – you could be naked for all we know!
:)
But one thing you forget – Ann, is that class, grace and REAL beauty is something no one can buy! You already shine with all these attributes.
I have no doubt that you will look lovely on the big night and Denis will be proud to have you by his side.
Dear Ann:
Living in a small town, as I do, I can’t even imagine the stress of searching for the “perfect” dress to wear to an awards show. But I can sympathize with your self-doubt and appearance concerns. However, I must agree with the other women who have posted to this blog: You are a gorgeous, intelligent woman, who is also approachable and personable. Much more attractive qualities than Botoxed skin and size 0 bodies. Besides, your husband obviously adores you, so who cares what Hollywood thinks?
Dear Ann,
How funny you are with your nooks and crannys. The lament of the dress, how we all suffer through just the right dress for the make them “turn their heads” moment. In the many pictures of you from awards nights banquets, you always look striking and beautiful. Cate Blanchette has nothing on you. As our friend Fernando would say,, “you look mahvelous”
You will find the perfect dress looking long of lash and leg.
Well take heart… you know Denis will look smashing on the red carpet as always… so just make sure all the eyes are him…. no one will notice your arm is flabby with him on it. LOL.
Have fun and wear the short dresss! Go with what you’ve got!
I saw you on “Better Connecticut” not too long ago and I thought you looked fabulous! But, I can imagine the pressures of being in that Hollywood world from time to time would be difficult and nagging.
I cant imagine the horror. The stress. i know you have to go. Support your spouse. He’s proud of you blah blah whatever but isn’t there some way you can like…throw on a headset? Saunter around talking into it so no one knows you are meant to dress up? LOL maybe CIA style glasses? A fake press pass or body guard style with walkie talkies or things clip to a belt?
E! would have to caption with “Shown here Denis and his agent? manager? Fan club president? Contest winner? umm we don’t know”