Wait, I’m not sure those are the questions.

The point is, like many businesses, publishers are struggling these days and they like it if their authors will pitch in and help. I regret not doing more to push my last book, but never mind, today I got to help my friend Julie Klam with the book trailer for her delightful forthcoming memoir, You Had Me At Woof.

Julie asked me several weeks ago if I would direct her book trailer and of course I was wildly flattered and within minutes of hanging up the phone with her I had launched myself on yet another fantastical voyage of delusion.  I decided that the Julie Klam book trailer would be such a smash that authors would say to each other, at cocktail parties, “You have a book coming out?  Is Ann Leary doing your book trailer?  You have to get Ann Leary to do your book trailer.  She did Salmon’s! She just did Elmore’s! She did Nora’s”  Yes, I would be the Annie Leibowitz of book trailers. Julie Klam is cut from the same cloth it seems, because she told me that within minutes of hanging up the phone with me she was tearfully rehearsing her acceptance speech for the book trailer award (we wondered if there must be such a thing and it turns out, there is).

Julie had been wowed by some of my recent work, but I had to confess to her that I only really know how to use a FlipCam, and so we decided that my son Jack, an actual film student who is working on a television crew, would be the co-director/cameraman/guy-who-does-everything-but-talk.  We discussed a few ideas, but Julie’s hysterical book is all about how out of control her dogs are; how they’ve destroyed her house, upended her relationship with her husband, scarred her daughter for life, etc, so we decided that her yappy, outrageously naughty terriers would be enough to carry the film, just by being themselves.

Here was the hitch: Julie’s terriers are so bad, so utterly devious that they will do the opposite of what she wants, NO MATTER WHAT. So today they conspired to be the most well-behaved dogs ever filmed.  Just to make fools of us. They couldn’t possibly have been more angelic. They made Cesar Millan’s dog, Daddy, look like a thug.  They made Lassie look like a crack whore.  I have never seen three more well-behaved dogs in my life.  Did I mention that they’re terriers? Boston Terriers?

Still, we managed to get some funny antics and we had a blast.  I must admit, I regretted wearing a sleeveless black top, because Julie also wore a sleeveless black top, but she has the arms of a ballerina. And though her dogs are mostly black, they manage to shed only their white hairs.

Anyway, as soon as it’s all edited it’ll be on YouTube where you can see it and tell all your friends. And then it’ll go viral. Next, there’ll be calls from Oprah, network and studio heads. And, of course, Julie and I will be offered our own television show.

Click here if you can’t see the video above.

Canal Street Sunset

This weekend I was in Manhattan, attending the final show of Denis’s Rescue Me Comedy Tour, which was being taped for a Comedy Central special.  Very funny show with Denis, Lenny Clarke, Adam Ferrara and Whitney Cummings.  I had seen Denis, Lenny and Adam before, of course,  but had never seen Ms. Cummings perform and she is HYSTERICAL.  You might have seen her on Chelsea Handler or Conan or heard her on Howard Stern, but if not, you will see her on something soon because she is going to be very famous.

And my recent interview with Julie Klam, is now available on iTunes. I’m not sure how to link to the exact interview but this link should bring you to iTunes and you can scroll down to my show.

And my EMT course is winding down. Tons of homework and studying. National and state certification exams are soon.

Just a reminder that this Saturday, May 15th is the 5th annual Celebration of Young Writers – a benefit for the nonprofit After School Arts Program in Washington, CT.  If you are in the Connecticut area, please try to come, it’s a great evening for a great cause.  For more information, click here.

Also, if you have time, that afternoon, right across the street at the Hickory Stick Bookshop, my friend Candace Bushnell will be signing copies of her new book, The Carrie Diaries.

The Carrie Diaries is currently #1 on the New York Times bestseller list for Young Adult fiction, and I’m planning to have Candace sign a bunch of copies for graduation presents. She will also be signing copies of her other bestselling novels, so stop in between 4 & 6 PM on Saturday and meet Candace.  If you can’t make it to the signing but would like to have Candace sign a book for you, just click here and the Hickory Stick will have her sign it and then they’ll ship it off too you. Try to get Amazon to provide that kind of service!

I was up with the dawn because the puppy needed to go out and the animals all needed to be fed before I headed off to be on a television show.  I was co-host on Better Connecticut with Scot Haney again today and I couldn’t possibly have had more fun.  Here’s a clip that I was able to lift from the web.  I was given a DVD of the entire show and would like to figure out how to load clips from it onto the blog, because we had a woman celebrating her 102nd birthday on the show and she was amazing.  She was beautiful and bright and lighthearted and she had hand-crocheted the most intricately worked lace doilies for us.  I just loved meeting her. She was born in 1908.

Then I came home and had some fun taking photographs of animals enjoying the galley of my friend Julie Klam’s forthcoming book, YOU HAD ME AT WOOF.  My favorite of the photos is this:

That’s my friend Jenny Carolan’s dog Rugby, above. He is quite the character, as you can see.  I also like the photo below:

Okay, this is the best:

Alright, my favorite:

And then I went riding and found that I could videotape our silhouette – our shadow, on the grass, climbing up and down the hills with us.  I could have done a better job editing. At one point we were cantering quite fast and I had to mess around with the reins. It was a beautiful day for a ride. Hope you like the video.  If you can’t see the embedded video, click here.

Lights, Cameras......and Clack Your Lips

I apologize for shouting those headlines at you earlier.  I went to Boston yesterday, and, in a crazy, Devil-may-care leap of faith,  left my laptop at home and just brought my brand new iPad.  You see, a very famous author had told me that she was doing the same thing – traveling with Ipad in lieu of laptop, in fact she was going on an actual writing assignment and was bringing only her iPad and keyboard dock for writing.  Well,  I admire this author a great deal and I decided that if the iPad was good enough for her to write on, it would certainly be good enough for me.

I guess I’m not as adaptable as some people. I’m having a little trouble getting used to the iPad.

But never mind, I have very exciting news to share. I have been asked, once again, to co-host Better Connecticut with Scot Haney tomorrow. It airs at 3:00 PM, on WFSB-TV (channel 3).

For those who live outside of Connecticut or didn’t get a chance to watch my glorious hosting debut, here’s a little taste of what you missed.

Yes, I was a bit unpolished the last time.  I was nervously licking and smacking my lips the whole show.  They were chapped.  I thought people could tell.  I thought, constantly, my lips look like two old pieces of  hard, flaky leather clacking together and the people at home can’t listen to anything we are saying because my chapped, dry, leathery lips are scaring them. Then, as you will see, especially in the beginning. I kept catching a glimpse of myself, and like Narcissus himself, I was mesmerized by my own image, and stared at it. So, instead of interacting with Scot and the guests, I just stared blankly into the camera.

But not tomorrow.  Am seasoned television personality now!

In this, my favorite event of the year, actors and writers read the works of young writers, ages 5-18.  In the past, it was co-hosted by author Frank McCourt and Denis. Last year, though Frank was ill, he still came to the event and read the wonderful words of the children and gave an inspiring tribute to the most important people in the world – teachers.  This year his wife Ellen will be reading in his place and this year’s event is dedicated to our wonderful memories of Frank McCourt.

So come see Denis Leary, Frank Delaney, Candace Bushnell and others on Saturday, May 15th!

Today, I will be on Better Connecticut, not as a guest, but as a co-host, with one of my favorite television personalities, Scot Haney.  If you live in Connecticut it’s on WFSB-TV at 3:00.

I’m slightly competitive by nature and when I spoke to Melissa, the show’s producer, I asked her who we were up against.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Ratings-wise,” I said, “because if it’s that Dr. Phil, we’re taking him down.”

She told me that our biggest competitor in our marketplace (listen to me – our marketplace – I actually think I’m on this show now) is General Hospital.

So listen up General Hospital people – you might want to Tivo today’s episode. I don’t want to give anything away, but I might just choose today to reveal to Scot Haney that he’s the father of the love septuplets that I’m carrying.

I’m taking an EMT training class.

Somebody guessed it, but although I have reviewed the comments twice now, I can’t figure out who it was.  You see, I have a very hard time reading and reviewing information.  I always thought that I was quite good at the processing of information, but, now that I’m taking a course, I have learned that any aptitude I might have once had in this regard has now almost completely deteriorated and if there were a remedial or special-needs EMT course offered, I would be in that class.  Instead, I have to be in the class with all the recent college grads, registered nurses, firefighters and other smart-asses who take notes while flipping through the text and ask clever questions regarding aortas and bile ducts and head trauma.  I have such a miniscule understanding of the human body that my participation in class is limited to fitful snorts and giggles whenever there is any reference made to the parts of the anatomy that involve the male reproductive system.  Well, that’s not entirely true.  Elimination always makes me choke and nearly hyperventilate with insufficiently suppressed mirth and the only thing that helps me gain composure is glancing at the 24-year-old firefighter next to me who is frowning and shaking his head.

Why am I taking an EMT class?  I have wanted to take the course for years – it’s one of my longtime big plans.  I was unable to take it until now because the classes are from 7-10 in the evenings and on Saturdays and I needed to make dinner for the kids and help them with homework, etc.  But now the kids drive and cook and have homework that’s too hard for me to help with, so I can finally work on becoming an EMT.

I’ve wanted to be an EMT or a paramedic ever since I watched my first episode of Emergency! at around age ten.  My brother and I looked forward to this show all week and would then act out rescues stunts on the cliffs near our home near Lake Michigan.  I was always Johnny Gage. Oh how I LOVED this show.  Rampart 51! Rampart 51!

Anyway, I will keep you informed as to my progress. It’s an intensive course and if I’m lucky and pass the certification test, I could be a certified EMT by early summer.  Very exciting. Our town, like many CT towns, has no paid firefighters or EMTS.  These professional services are all provided by volunteers.

Now I must pick out an outfit to wear on Better Connecticut tomorrow. Can I wear the striped skirt again?  Please?

Last night Denis took my sister Meg and me to the opening festivities for the Tribeca Flm Festival.  It was a great night.  We saw many old friends and it was the first time Meg had attended an event like that with us so the two of us were cracking up the whole time that Denis was doing stuff like this:

And we were doing stuff like this:

Okay, now you know.  I only have one fancy party skirt.  And I’ve been photographed in it a million times.  The same skirt, boots and jacket, actually.  Well, they’re fancy!

Who was at the party? Well let’s see, there was Robert De Niro, Harvey Keitel, John McEnroe, Brian Williams and his lovely wife Jane, Martha Stewart, Kristy Turlington, Ed Burns, Anna Wintour, Graydon Carter (it was a Vanity Fair party) and of course, Meg Seminara!

Meg and I are taking her son Tommy and his friend Eli sightseeing today and I’ll get a photo with sis.

Now, time to finish homework. I have class tonight!