Ladies and gentlemen,now that I know how to use the editing software Final Cut, you will no longer be viewing lame-ass videos on this site. You will be screening my short films.

My work, if you will.

Today, I present, “Two Horses, Two Women” a low-budget film I shot this afternoon and which has a score I stole is an homage to the classic French film, un Homme et une Femme

I’m no longer using YouTube and can’t figure out how to embed on Vimeo, so I’m afraid you’ll have to click below to view.

Untitled from Ann Leary on Vimeo.

Now that I have completed my EMT course and my kids are headed back to college, I only have volunteer EMT duties, two books that I’m writing, a book trailer to edit, a political fundraiser to plan and host, 6 animals to feed/train/groom and a husband to feed/train/groom, so, as you can see I have a lot of idle time on my hands. I don’t idle well. I must move forward or I begin to get all clogged with anxiety and self-doubt and eventually I stall out. So, I have a very exciting new project to help me fill up all the spare time. We have purchased a little house on a lake and it needs some work.

It’s a little investment project.

A little fixer-upper.

First, “house” is a rather generous word for the structure that we now own. It’s a boat house that looks a bit like a trailer home. Here is a view of the downstairs. Someday there will be a kitchen here:

I know, just stunning, isn’t it?

But, just out of the range of the camera, to the right, there is a big garage door, which will someday be a series of French doors. When you look out from these doors, you see this:

Here’s the view from upstairs:

It’s tiny. I’ll show you the exterior later, after we have alarms installed. You can’t just go showing your trailer to the world without taking precautions. Somebody might hitch it to the back of their truck and drive off with it.

We’re very excited about the lake house. The kids like to water-ski, I like to kayak and plan to relearn how to sail and Denis likes to skate.  Holly likes to sit on the deck and pretend that she’s on board her very own yacht:

Leonardo DiCaprio in INCEPTION

I finally got to see the movie Inception last night.  I was very excited to see this movie because my kids had each seen it twice and  raved about it. My husband had raved about it. Many newspaper and magazine critics have raved about it. Everywhere I have gone this summer, people have been carrying on about this film, so last night I went to see it with my sister Meg and her family and there I endured three of the longest hours of my life.  I LOVE action films and psychological thrillers and somehow I had arrived at the mistaken assumption that this movie would be an action-packed thriller taking place in the fascinating realm of the subconscious human mind.  I thought that I would be riveted to the screen, especially because we watched it in an Imax theater. Instead I found myself leisurely responding to texts on my phone 2 hours into it. My teen-aged niece was reading emails. My brother-in-law had himself a much-needed nap.  My sister laughed at the supposedly serious parts, which made us all laugh, and so the time wasn’t completely wasted.

If you haven’t seen the movie, nothing I will say here is a spoiler.  You can’t really give away the plot of this movie because it’s so simplistic and and at the same time, filled with holes, that there’s not much to tell.  Quite a few people I know have told me they went back to see it again, to see if they “missed” something and came away satisfied that they hadn’t.  ”It makes total sense,” my daughter told me last night when I spoke to her about it.  ”You just didn’t get it.”

It’s not that it didn’t make sense to me, I just didn’t find it suspenseful enough to be a thriller. Chris Nolan’s cinematic dream world is pretty much limited to car chases and gunfights and exploding buildings, except for the erotic dreams which in this film, are infuriatingly G-rated.  Apparently when men dream about beautiful women, the dreams consist of walks on the beach and building sand castles.  I felt a mounting shame, last night,  as I mentally compared my erotic dreams with Caprio’s character (DUM? DOM? ).  A man so sinister that he steals people’s ideas from their heads, dreams of holding hands with his sweetie and kissing. His gorgeous wife is supposed to have given in to the dark side of her dreams (we’re told by Dom. Again and again).  Is that the dream where her childhood home is on a watery street?  That’s dark?

I think the problem is that I’m spoiled by my own dreams.  In my dreams I can fly and I can also walk around with my eyes closed and not bump into anything.  I often show up at parties with no clothes on and manage to keep people from noticing that fact by talking to them about how I came to be a sunflower.  My teeth fall out and it doesn’t hurt.  I discover that my horse Gabriel is my shrink (or husband, dog, mailman – Gabriel is a major player in my dreams.)  Sometimes there are wars and battles but when there are, the sky opens up and the seas swell and there are monsters and demons and angels….

Another problem for me is that Inception involves a plot that has to be explained through constant expository and contrived dialogue (rather than through images).  Instead of watching the action unfold, as you do in the wonderful Jason Bourne movies or any other number of recent action/fantasy films (Children of Men also comes to mind), you have baby-faced Leonardo DiCaprio as your Chatty Cathy protagonist, explaining everything to everyone in the film, and the film audience, over and over again.  He even decides to tell us what the word inception means, in case we didn’t know, so that we would understand why it is the title of the film.

So there you have it. My very first film review. What did you all think?  Of my blog, I mean. I know everybody loved the film.

We’re back from our vacation. It was wonderful, but because of upcoming EMT exams (took one this morning, don’t know results yet), I spent most of the time on the beach taking practice multiple choice tests. As a result, I’ve found that the multiple choice format has replaced my former methods of thinking and communicating. Worse, I view everything as a “scenario” in which a certain protocol is required. Here’s an example taken from a real-life incident that occurred in our house this morning. Let’s see how you do:

You decide unilaterally that it is too warm in the house. You know that your kind but fragile wife loathes air-conditioning, but you have a bit of perspiration on your forehead. The thermostat is in the room where your dear wife is lying supine at her bed-desk. What is the proper course of action?

a) Beg the wife’s pardon, and gently ask if the temperature may be lowered. When she snaps at you that she’s freezing and if you want to be cold maybe you should have married Sarah Palin, you humbly ask her forgiveness and slink out of the room
b) Tell the hag that she’ll have plenty of heat where she’s going to end up, and crank the a/c.
c) Walk by the thermostat and distract her by asking if she heard a puppy yelping outside. When she leaps to the window, crank the a/c.
d) Just turn up the a/c. When your back is turned, she’ll lower it. Then just turn it back up. Never say a word but spend the day repeating these maneuvers, silently cursing each other under your breath.

The man and woman pictured above:

a) Are married
b) Are siblings
c) Really might be cousins (mothers have same maiden name)
d) Decided not to delve too deep when they learned of shared names. Kids ended up looking normal, so what’s the big deal?
e) Most of the above

While not studying, I spent my time on vacation:

a) Whining
b) Eating
c) Worrying
d) Slowly spiraling into a state of diminished mentation in which I became convinced that I might have talent as a visual artist, producing works such as this:

Two of the four people in this photo repeatedly humiliated the other two on the tennis court. Can you pick the winners? For extra credit, can you identify the losers by name? (Hint: Identify them correctly by adding a comma and then the word loser after their names)

For double extra credit, based on photos, can you guess where we went?

Looking for something nice to do this upcoming steamy Saturday? Well, if you live in or near Litchfield County, CT, I have a lovely plan for you.

First, arrive in Washington Depot at around noon and enjoy a tasty lunch at either The Pantry or Marty’s. Then, at 2:00, make your way over to the Hickory Stick Bookshop, where my friend Wendy Burden will be signing copies of her book Dead End Gene Pool until 3:00. I’l be there with her! It’s air-conditioned and, in my humble opinion, the nicest independent book store in New England.

After you’re done meeting Wendy, browsing, and perhaps purchasing a book for yourself or a loved one, hop into your car and head on over to Roxbury’s 36th annual Pickin’ and Fiddlin’ Contest – a really fun outdoor music festival to benefit the Roxbury Volunteer Fire Department. There are banjo players, fiddlers, and other strummers and pickers, young and old, from all over the country playing great bluegrass and country music all afternoon and evening. Bring the kids. Pack a picnic basket. It’s a blast, and for a great cause.

Or, if you’re not up for a crowd, drive to Steep Rock Land Preserve, which is about three minutes away from the Hickory Stick. I would suggest you walk, but it’s going to be so hot out. At Steep Rock, it always feels about 20 degrees cooler than everywhere else, because you are hiking along the cool rushing waters of the Shepaug River, under the shade of towering hemlock trees. You can sit on the river bank and read your new book, or chat with a friend, or even go in the river for a swim.

After your Steep Rock meanderings, head on over to the GW Tavern, also in Washington Depot, for a nice cold beer and a burger. My friend Joy is the bartender. She’s also an EMT in training, so be extra nice!

If you are unable to do any of the above, why not order Wendy’s book from the Hickory Stick by calling their toll free number: 1-800-255-2665 and asking them to have Wendy personalize a book for you? That way, when we discuss the book with her in an upcoming live chat (to be scheduled soon, promise), you’ll already know what her signature looks like! Many people don’t realize that independent booksellers are happy to have authors sign books for individuals and then ship them out. Just try to get Amazon or Walmart to do that. They won’t. So go on the Hickory Stick website and if you see any upcoming author appearances, you can request a personalized, autographed book. It really makes a great gift.

Now, must study. Have a certain final exam tonight. Can somebody please tell me what to do to treat a priapism?

Canal Street Sunset

This weekend I was in Manhattan, attending the final show of Denis’s Rescue Me Comedy Tour, which was being taped for a Comedy Central special.  Very funny show with Denis, Lenny Clarke, Adam Ferrara and Whitney Cummings.  I had seen Denis, Lenny and Adam before, of course,  but had never seen Ms. Cummings perform and she is HYSTERICAL.  You might have seen her on Chelsea Handler or Conan or heard her on Howard Stern, but if not, you will see her on something soon because she is going to be very famous.

And my recent interview with Julie Klam, is now available on iTunes. I’m not sure how to link to the exact interview but this link should bring you to iTunes and you can scroll down to my show.

And my EMT course is winding down. Tons of homework and studying. National and state certification exams are soon.

A few things I have learned so far in my EMT training:

1)   The heart really is a lonely hunter.  It’s the only organ that has “automaticity” – the ability to generate an impulse on its own.  It doesn’t need another organ or hormone or nerve to start it up.  It’s self-generating.  I didn’t know that.  It’s a rather basic form of plumbing equipment designed to pump fluid.  There are some important valves, nodes, chambers and pipes, all in a sleek, ever-pulsing container.  Yet it’s full of electricity and has built-in pacemakers.  And if it breaks, you can meet somebody new and fall in love again, or if it really breaks you can call 911 and get a rapid response from an EMT and paramedic crew and hopefully get it restarted.

2)   The reason a person’s skin becomes cool or cold when they are in shock is because the body makes a decision to focus all its energy on heating and sustaining the body’s core, where the vital organs are.  So the blood, which is necessary for proper oxygenation or perfusion of all the organs, sort of tells the skin to fend for itself and rushes in to offer help where it’s really needed.   I didn’t know that.

3)   Women often don’t experience chest pain when having a heart attack.  They often report that they “just don’t feel right.”  Unusual fatigue for a number of days is a red flag for women that they might be having heart trouble.

4)   Television dramas such as ER have given the public an unrealistic faith in the AED (defibrillator) devices that EMTs use when somebody has had a cardiac arrest.  As soon as the family members see the machine come out they all breath a sigh of relief and start making all sorts of plans for their non-breathing, non-responsive loved one.  When the AED fails to revive a patient, as it sometimes does, the family and friends are often unable to believe it.

5)   I know it’s morbid, but the criteria a person must meet in order to be pronounced dead by an EMT is morbidly funny, but I’m not sure whether it’s in good taste to post here.  Basically, we are able to make a decision not to resuscitate a person and presume them dead only if they are missing something really important like their entire head. Otherwise somebody else has to make the call.  I didn’t know that.

6)   EMTs  are always concerned with protecting the dignity and integrity of a patient and his or her family, whether the patient is living or dead.

7)   Professional EMTs and paramedics, whether paid or volunteer, are extraordinary people.  Our teachers are amazing.   They love what they do.  They do it out of love. I didn’t know that. But now I do.

My daughter has forbidden me to post it. My son has left my home in shame after having viewed it with a friend. Still, this is America, where we have freedom of expression and I have made a film so frightening yet empowering, so controversial yet provocative that, though it has been banned in my home, I am going to screen it here, for you, my blog readers.

First a few words about how I came to make the film.  It was inspired by a film that I made the other day.  Yes, I used to call them videos until I posted the last on Twitter and a man commented that he thought the “film” was impressive. In fact, he said that at times, the images of the horse in shadow looked  almost like animation and he suggested that I make a film all in shadow, with a sort of narrative. Well, this got me going.  I realized that I had a gift.  I had made a sort of short film that only needed a narrative. For those who missed the first film, allow me to screen it for you right here, now.  Please note the swing near the end of the film.  Mark, the protagonist (our hero) has always been alarmed by this swing in real life.  He often takes a look at it, and if the wind catches it, he wheels away in fright.  So here is the original film. If you can’t see it on your computer, click here:

So after the wonderful review and suggestion by my Twitter critic, I decided to turn the video into a horror film. I thought it would be very scary if the swing turned out to be haunted. So, I won’t tell you how I came to cast the role of the ghost, but I shot about 45 minutes of the ghost swinging, picking flowers, skipping and then I came home and showed what I had shot to my son and one of his friends. Both of these boys are in college studying film so I saw them as my colleagues.

“Isn’t it scary?” I asked.
“I wouldn’t say scary, so much as ….disturbing,” said son’s friend.
“Besides,” said son, his face scarlet with shame, “you can see your sneakers in almost all the shots. And Holly is leaping around.”
“I’m going to cut all that out, you’ll see,” I said. “And then I’m going to edit in into the film and have the horse galloping away in fright.”
“You do that,” they said, backing away from me slowly.  This was two days ago. I’ve not seen the boys since, but Denis assures me that they are staying in New York with him.  Apparently the footage was so powerful and disturbing that they refuse to speak of it, even to him.

Anyway,  it turned out that I don’t have the software required to cut videos into each other. And once I cut out all the shots with my sneakers and the dogs, I was left with a very, very short video film.

Still, I think you’ll agree that it shows promise. I warn you that, though it’s short, it’s very, very scary.

DO NOT WATCH IF YOU SUFFER FROM A HEART CONDITION, SHORTNESS OF BREATH, IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME, OR ARE PRONE TO FITS OF SHAME BY ASSOCIATION:

Click here if you can’t view.

Here’s the director’s cut with all the outtakes. Interesting shot at 0:28. Director has utilized terror inducing device of having Ghost Girl almost step on something HORRIBLE. Very effective sequence at end leaves the audience wondering if there isn’t a little Ghost Girl in all of us, and if so, how do we get rid of her?

Also, music is called “Kiss Me Deadly.” I swear!

Photo by Moses Pendleton

Well, I had a lovely Mother’s Day, thanks to my family.  They gave me gifts, they made me cards and roses. They took me out to dinner and to see Iron Man 2.  And then, when we left the theater and discovered that I had a flat tire, my husband managed to change the tire despite Devin and me telling him he was doing everything wrong.  So it was a perfect day.

I spent Saturday learning CPR and much of the rest of the weekend studying my EMT textbook and doing homework and guys, if I stop posting about anything to do with EMT stuff, just assume I didn’t pass the state and/or national certification tests and I’m too embarrassed to admit it.  This whole thing may be way beyond me, as I really am finding it hard processing all the information.  On the other hand, I am fascinated by what I’m learning and I hadn’t expected this, but I’m learning that there is something extraordinarily divine about the physiology of the human body. And I mean divine very much in a spiritual sense.  I’m not a religious person, but the more I learn about organisms and diseases and cures and birth and death and aortas and valves – the blessedly perfect valves placed just so – well, It makes me feel very humble and there is a comfort to it all, though the whole point of the course is to learn what to do when it all goes wrong.  The symbiosis is what I find miraculous, I guess.  The way the different systems of an organism work so efficiently together, and how when one part of the system falters or is compromised, the other parts will try to pitch in and help.  Did you know that when  a mother has a premature baby, the milk her body produces has extra antibodies and proteins that are designed to help a low-birthweight infant survive?  I knew that because our son was a preemie, but I mean that’s the kind of thing I’m talking about. The kind of thing that makes me all weepy for some reason.

Well it’s inherently sad and beautiful, the work of the EMT. Reckoning with the unpredictable nature of human illnesses or the mechanisms behind traumatic injuries can’t always have positive outcomes.  People will be burned and die in car wrecks and have strokes but sometimes, if first responders get there early enough, they have a chance. Sometimes they don’t.  I’m always in complete awe when I  listen to our instructors talk about their encounters with lives teetering on the brink, and their efforts to keep them from tumbling over the edge, to keep them with us here, by treating, shocking, comforting, oxygenating, stabilizing, keeping the systems running, at least until the patient is transported  to the hospital.

If I can only pass this test!

I had a full day.

I was up with the dawn because the puppy needed to go out and the animals all needed to be fed before I headed off to be on a television show.  I was co-host on Better Connecticut with Scot Haney again today and I couldn’t possibly have had more fun.  Here’s a clip that I was able to lift from the web.  I was given a DVD of the entire show and would like to figure out how to load clips from it onto the blog, because we had a woman celebrating her 102nd birthday on the show and she was amazing.  She was beautiful and bright and lighthearted and she had hand-crocheted the most intricately worked lace doilies for us.  I just loved meeting her. She was born in 1908.

Then I came home and had some fun taking photographs of animals enjoying the galley of my friend Julie Klam’s forthcoming book, YOU HAD ME AT WOOF.  My favorite of the photos is this:

That’s my friend Jenny Carolan’s dog Rugby, above. He is quite the character, as you can see.  I also like the photo below:

Okay, this is the best:

Alright, my favorite:

And then I went riding and found that I could videotape our silhouette – our shadow, on the grass, climbing up and down the hills with us.  I could have done a better job editing. At one point we were cantering quite fast and I had to mess around with the reins. It was a beautiful day for a ride. Hope you like the video.  If you can’t see the embedded video, click here.