In a giant leap of misplaced faith in the iPad, I have gone on vacation with my husband and left my laptop at home. It is really really hard to blog from an iPad, but I will try. Where am I? I ‘m on an island. I’m stranded on an island with no laptop. Stranded on a beautiful, beautiful island with 3 of my favorite people, and I can ‘t figure out how to post photos. But I will. In the meantime, dear Candy, please check in with us. And Mary Lynn, I know. I know.

Last winter, Holly and I were playing with a gigantic tennis ball and she learned how to move it forward and backward with her front paws.  Now I’m trying to teach her to balance on a slightly larger ball and eventually, I believe she’ll be able to walk on it.

And then we’ll be asked to join the circus.

After that, there’ll be the whole talk show circuit;  Letterman, Leno, Regis & Kelly. The Daily Show, and, inevitably, the offer to star in our own television show. It’s bound to happen, it’s all part of the big plan.

The ball we’re working with is slightly deflated but I left it that way, because it slows it down a little and lets her dig her little paws in.  I wish I could add music but the YouTube audio swap is not working AGAIN.  I’ll try to add music later.

So, without further ado, Miss Holly. If you can’t see the video, here’s the link.

Does anybody have any idea why every video I’ve embedded in this blog has disappeared? Is it just my computer? AM I losing my mind?

Because I have an awfully cute Holly trick to show.

Photo by Moses Pendleton

Here’s a poem dedicated to all floundering writers, frustrated artists, inhibited dreamers, all those shy or quietly in love.

RISK, by Anais Nin

And then the day came,
when the risk
to remain tight
in a bud
was more painful
than the risk
it took
to Blossom.

Because of predicted storms, Roxbury’s annual Pickin’& Fiddlin’ Contest has been postposed until tomorrow. So everybody who was planning to compete can lay down your bows, head indoors and rest your phalanges for a spell. Oh, sorry, phalanges is what we almost medical personnel call fingers. Yes, I passed my EMT class final exam and now only have to pass the state and national certification tests (only). Anyway, try to make it tomorrow. Bring a blanket, a picnic, some refreshing beverages and enjoy wonderful acts like this:

In the meantime, my NPR radio interview with author Wendy Burden is now on iTunes. You can go there and search “Ann Leary WHDD”  and download the podcast for free.  Or just click here to listen.

Looking for something nice to do this upcoming steamy Saturday? Well, if you live in or near Litchfield County, CT, I have a lovely plan for you.

First, arrive in Washington Depot at around noon and enjoy a tasty lunch at either The Pantry or Marty’s. Then, at 2:00, make your way over to the Hickory Stick Bookshop, where my friend Wendy Burden will be signing copies of her book Dead End Gene Pool until 3:00. I’l be there with her! It’s air-conditioned and, in my humble opinion, the nicest independent book store in New England.

After you’re done meeting Wendy, browsing, and perhaps purchasing a book for yourself or a loved one, hop into your car and head on over to Roxbury’s 36th annual Pickin’ and Fiddlin’ Contest – a really fun outdoor music festival to benefit the Roxbury Volunteer Fire Department. There are banjo players, fiddlers, and other strummers and pickers, young and old, from all over the country playing great bluegrass and country music all afternoon and evening. Bring the kids. Pack a picnic basket. It’s a blast, and for a great cause.

Or, if you’re not up for a crowd, drive to Steep Rock Land Preserve, which is about three minutes away from the Hickory Stick. I would suggest you walk, but it’s going to be so hot out. At Steep Rock, it always feels about 20 degrees cooler than everywhere else, because you are hiking along the cool rushing waters of the Shepaug River, under the shade of towering hemlock trees. You can sit on the river bank and read your new book, or chat with a friend, or even go in the river for a swim.

After your Steep Rock meanderings, head on over to the GW Tavern, also in Washington Depot, for a nice cold beer and a burger. My friend Joy is the bartender. She’s also an EMT in training, so be extra nice!

If you are unable to do any of the above, why not order Wendy’s book from the Hickory Stick by calling their toll free number: 1-800-255-2665 and asking them to have Wendy personalize a book for you? That way, when we discuss the book with her in an upcoming live chat (to be scheduled soon, promise), you’ll already know what her signature looks like! Many people don’t realize that independent booksellers are happy to have authors sign books for individuals and then ship them out. Just try to get Amazon or Walmart to do that. They won’t. So go on the Hickory Stick website and if you see any upcoming author appearances, you can request a personalized, autographed book. It really makes a great gift.

Now, must study. Have a certain final exam tonight. Can somebody please tell me what to do to treat a priapism?

I’ve been trying to teach Holly to stay. Yesterday, I told her and Daphne to lie down and stay, which Daphne did quite willingly. Holly pulled her usual stunt. Not only does she break the stay after a nanosecond every time, but then she becomes completely undone by her own wickedness, and puts on a maniacal display of the ultimate bad doggery such as attacking my ankles or ripping a piece of paper to shreds.  Such a naughty pup. She really thinks its a funny joke to do the most extreme opposite of the stay command.  Yesterday, she tried to corrupt Daphne into breaking the stay with her, but Daphne, appalled and unamused as usual, set a very fine example of how a dog with dignity and grace is supposed to behave.

Good girl, Daphne:

I’m a sucker for parades and patriotic songs and fireworks. My favorite part of any American sporting event is when they get some amazing singer to walk out onto the ice or the playing field to sing the national anthem.  It doesn’t matter how dextrous and elastic this warbler’s vocal chords, how vast their musical range, or how many hit records they’ve sold, they always arrive at that dangerous cliffhanger of the song and it’s almost more exciting than the first pitch or the start of the fireworks, waiting to see if they muck it up or not.  You all know the part I’m talking about. It begins with the spellbinding, “Oh say does that star-spangled baaaaaannee-er ye-et waaaaaave…”

And then, there they are, at the edge of the abyss, at what I consider to be the black-diamond run, the bungie-jump free fall, the most treacherous terrain of songdom.

“O’er the la-and of the free-EEEEEEE!  (giant roars of applause, or deafening boos) And the. Home. Of the.  Brave.”

I decided to go on YouTube to find some good national anthem fails to post and was surprised to learn that for many singers, it’s the actual lyrics rather than the impossible range that poses the most challenge.

So, in honor of the 4th of July, my favorite star-spangled fuggups.  If you can’t view the embedded videos, just click on the links.

First, Michael Bolton. The whole point of writing cheat notes on your fingers is so that you can be kind of inconspicuous when you glance at them. I’m an expert at this. You can write the notes near the nail beds and it looks like you’re admiring the polish. I have a weird form of paralyzing social anxiety that sometimes makes my mind go completely blank when I see somebody, even if it’s somebody I know quite well, so I sometimes do finger cheat notes in social situations. Like this:

“Hi… (quick glance at fingernails) Mom.  How are you?”

Wish he had consulted me:

This is a little painful to watch because the girl is so lovely and young, but I love how the gallant hero came to her aid:

Here’s a good one:

I guess you’re not allowed to laugh uproariously at cop graduation ceremonies:

And finally this.  Happy Independence Day!

Since I blogged endlessly all winter about the reconstruction of our bathroom and the subsequent relocation of some poor tenants that we had, I thought I’d show you the bathroom now that it’s finished. I love it and I don’t miss the bats nearly as much as I thought I might.

Do you like it?  How about a little house tour then?  Here’s our sunroom:

The front porch:

The view from our porch:

Lulu guarding the front yard:

My favorite tree:

And our patio:

And now, here’s a poem I came across, that I love very much. Despite all the beauty around me, I tend to be sad in the summer. I KNOW. It’s a sin.  I’m perverse and ungrateful, I should be happy and joyous. I have so much beauty all around.  Anyway, here’s the poem:

Lordie bless, isn’t that Denis Leary a looker, though?

Click here if you can’t see the video above.